Cream of Mushroom
by SonOfABiscuitEatingBullDog
Summary: Sequel to Adamo! Soup isn't always for the sick... ZimXOC
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I stirred around my spoon in my cream of mushroom soup while balancing the phone on my shoulder. I stared at it as Gak went on about how many people she reckoned she had cussed out in Irken. Tomorrow she was going to hit the library.

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of the soup. Cream of mushroom wasn't my favorite...But recently I had gone shopping with Zim and just thrown whatever into the cart. Plus, he'd been oddly paranoid for some reason in there. Maybe it was a new place, or maybe it was just the little poor six-year old with her mom as she turned a corner on an aisle. Zim had started shrieking loudly at her.

We'd rushed out of there pretty fast, so of course I'd grabbed everything I could.

"So anyways," Gak said as I tuned back in, "I was thinking...you know, randomly."

"Mhmm?" I asked, preparing myself. If you're wondering how this is possible (this being me talking to Gak over a phone in Zim's world) somehow I, (unfortunately) had remembered Gak's number and tried to call her. It had worked, basically.

Anyways, back to the present.

"What were you thinking, Gak?"

"Well...Have you thought of any nicknames for Zim? Since you're, like, _together_ now."

I choked on the soup for a bit.

"I never said—"

"I know you didn't, Avi. But let's just say I'm assuming that right now. M'kay? Now, can you answer the question?" Gak had a tone to her voice like she was talking to somebody who was about to explode with anger or something. I narrowed my eyes, pondering whether I should answer her, and where that would take me.

"No," I answered.

"Awww," Gak immediately said afterwards.

I put the spoon in my mouth, sucking on it. I shoved it to one side with my tongue to talk. "I'm not going to make nicknames for Zim, okay?"

"But come on..." She was breaking me down.

I rolled my eyes, even though I knew she couldn't see me. Zim was doing something in his base, but I quickly turned around to make sure he wasn't behind me. "You give me one, I'll give you one," I finally said.

"Zimmykins!"

It sounded like she had really thought of this, and that made me scared inside.

I grinned. "That was an easy one! Okay...my green muffin!" I was so ashamed hearing that out loud. Hehehe...Eh.

Gak giggled on the other end, and I heard people in the background.

"Please tell me I'm not on speaker phone."

"You're not."

"Your turn."

"Oh, I don't know. I had a bunch of them and I wrote them down somewhere..." I wasn't surprised.

"Fine, we'll skip you for now." I stared down at my bowl. "Cream of Zim!" I blurted out, and we both sank into hysterical laughter.

"Oh god, that's a—HAHAHAH!!—wow, that's a good one." Gak started laughing again and I laughed along with her.

And then she had to ruin it.

"I dare you to say it louder."

I looked behind me again. I turned the spoon over in my mouth.

I started laughing nervously. Silence on the other end.

"Cream of Zim!" I shouted, feeling quite pleased by my bravery.

"_What _did you call me?"

Gak must have heard him too because she stopped laughing.

I turned around so fast I got dizzy, and the spoon dropped out of my mouth and clattered on the floor. There, standing behind me, was Zim. He was leaning on the wall, his antennae half-perked. I gaped at him.

"Mhmm...I thought so, _love-pig_."

Zim walked away with an air of confidence.

A couple seconds went by until Gak started squealing on the other end.

I blushed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I glared at Zim. "Give. Me. The. Freaking. Envelope."

Zim clutched the red envelope closer to his chest, giving me a glaring look back. He sat on the couch, pushing his back far into the cushions.

"No."

"I will hurt you!" I bluffed.

Zim didn't do anything.

"It has my name on it!" I cried.

"Yes, but it is from the DIB-STINK! WHO KNOWS what horrors of BIG-HEADEDNESS await in this!" He waved it around, explaining. I tried to grab it, and couldn't. Damn Irken reflexes...

"How do you know it's from Dib?"

"Zim _knows_."

"Have we _not_ talked about the third-person speech?" I said, closing one eye.

Zim pouted.

"Gimme—"

"No."

I tried to grab it again. "Aha!" I shouted in my joy. I ripped it open quickly with my finger and pulled it out. Zim tried to grab it. It looked something like...

"An invitation?" I asked disbelievingly.

"What? What's that?"

I opened it up. "Dib's invited me...to a party." Zim and I both gave each other "wtf" looks.

"You're not going."

"What?"

"It's a trap!"

I rolled my eyes. "A trap for what? Like Dib wants to kill me or something? I haven't even met him yet."

"Actually, you have."

"...How?"

"When you were passed out. He picked up all the pieces of GIR, remember? Anyhow...the FILTHY Dib-worm has seen you before."

"Well...just because he's seen me, doesn't mean he wants to...whatever you think he wants to do to me. Plus, Dib is..." I searched for a word.

"If the _Dib-stink_ isn't trying to kill you, he's trying to kill me! ME! That's why I have to come with you, see what his plan is..."

I raised an eyebrow. "You're not invited. Wouldn't that be what he wanted?"

"SILENCE! Don't interrupt me being amazing! And the Dib will see me there, whether he likes it or not," he said with an under current of threatening Dib in his voice.

"Fine, even though it's rude to bring someone to a party without permission." I sighed. "And apparently Dib got a new house..."

* * *

The party wasn't formal, so I decided to just go in my jeans and shirt. Dib? Hosting a formal party? ...Could he do that? I also had decided to do something different with my hair—for once. So I put it in a simple ponytail. I had stared at myself in the mirror too long trying to decide what to do with it, before Zim started yelling about being late.

* * *

We were walking to Dib's house, of course, by the lack of a car. Zim had decided to go in his normal attire (that would be his Invader outfit) and his disguise. As soon as we'd come here to his own world, he'd "forgotten" about the hologram.

Zim was mumbling and kicking things the whole way there, muttering about Dib. I had to admit, it WAS pretty suspicious...But still. Maybe Dib was just trying to get to know...me? Creepy.

I was carrying the wrapped house-warming gift. Zim had thought it simply hilarious to buy him a huge quart tube of hair gel.

"You know, I'm still concerned about school..."

"Yes, yes, I know." Zim didn't say anything after that, so I continued on.

"I need to go."

Zim gave me a side-glance. "Zim shall see what he can do. Maybe you can enroll in my horrible _skool_. Heh, with the Dib-creature...WAIT!" I didn't seem very fazed with all the screaming, you kinda got used to your eardrums being blasted out. Besides, I could hardly hear anything anymore. Once GIR had tried to fill the making-stuff room with the filling that's in Twinkies, and...well...Zim didn't really like Twinkie filling, I shall say.

"With you being by my side, we shall DESTROY him! Muahahaha!" That was an irregular short laugh, and I pondered if I was actually calming Zim down.

Haha...Whoa.

We turned a corner a few seconds after Zim's laugh, and I saw Dib's new house. It wasn't like anything I would've thought. It was four stories, and had an ordinary white paint, and a nice black roof. It had a little bit of a gothic aura around it, but that made it cooler. It wasn't the paint that was on the walls, or the roof, but how _humongous_ it was. It was like a mansion! With Professor Membrane's money, I guessed, you could buy a house like this. It was funny, though, because all the other houses beside it had two stories. So it looked like somebody had lifted up this huge house with a crane or something and dropped it in the middle of a lot, randomly.

"I want that house!" I said.

"Zim's base should be enough for you." Zim growled. He had his squinty look on his face.

"Well, yeah...It's just...It's huge!" When we got closer, I could hear techno music blasting in the backyard. There was a tall white gate, and I peeked in one of the slots and saw the party guests. Nobody seemed to be dancing or anything, and a fire pit was near a pool. A huge stereo system sat near a sliding glass door, and I could see inside the house. Large black leather furniture was everywhere—and a big screen TV, too.

"Dib...is..._loaded_," I said disbelievingly. Why hadn't I noticed it before?

"Hm?" Zim asked.

"Er—nothing. Let's go to the door."

We walked to the door and I took one hand off the present and pressed the doorbell. The doorbell rang throughout the house, and I blinked. Zim and I both looked up and a light upstairs came on. A few seconds later, somebody pulled open the door.

"Thanks f—ZIM! What are you doing here?"

"I have decided to enlighten you with my presence, Dib-worm. Now step aside, and let me see this so-called 'mighty' house of yours!" Instead of waiting for Dib to step aside, he grabbed the present from my arms and shoved it into Dib's stomach, which caused him to double-up in pain. He stumbled back and opened the door wider, and Zim walked in, hands on his hips.

"Now that's more like it," Zim murmured.

I muttered a quick "sorry" to Dib before he nodded and shut the door, walking away limping. He took the present with him.

"Nobody ever said it was 'mighty'," I mumbled out of the corner of my mouth to Zim.

"Mhmm, mhmm," Zim said, not acting like he was listening. "Interesting."

I narrowed my eyes and scanned the...crowd. Okay, so it was pathetically small. Not much of a party with two people, but oh well. Not much of a crowd, either, but hey, Dib tried. What's funny, though, is that the two guests were both girls, and they were wearing party dresses. They were maybe two years younger than me. I glanced down at my jeans and shuffled my feet nervously. How Zim could stand out and not care was amazing to me. He was crossing his arms and glaring at everything. I thought this was going to be just a nice, casual party, but I thought wrong. The outfits on the girls reminded me of elegant things, and I nervously tried to push hair behind my ear, and discovered most of my hair was in my ponytail holder. So I brushed my bangs back instead.

I think Zim was starting to notice my nervousness, because he grabbed my hand and held it above both our heads. He then shouted "WE ARE A NORMAL EARTH COUPLE!" He grinned broadly and nodded, and the two girls nodded and clinked their plastic cups of punch together before drinking for us. I blushed really badly. This party wasn't going too well so far...

Luckily Dib came out a few seconds later from his sliding glass door, arms free of the present we got him. Right before Zim could go further in his antics. Oh...Thank god.

Dib walked over to the two girls, and I noted he was still wearing his trench coat and smiley face outfit. Well, okay...

Dib started. "Oh, I need to introduce you! Okay, Avi, this is my friend, Lily..er..." The girl in the black dress rolled her eyes.

"Lila Summers, _Dib_. And nice to meet you, Avi." Lila had blonde-styled hair and looked pretty nice. She had brown eyes and was wearing heels, and I saw she was taller than me. But I wondered if Dib had hired these girls to act like his friends.

"Right!" he said nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "She's from Canada!"

"Nice to meet you too, Lila," I replied.

"And this would be Helena," he said, pointing to a black-haired girl. She raised her cup in salute, and I decided I liked her. Dib stalked off somewhere, mumbling something like "don'taskmewhereshelives".

"And this is Zim," I said, giving him a look in the corner of my eye to make sure he hadn't gone after Dib or something.

"I am ZIM!" he reassured us.

"Hi Zim," they both said in unison.

"HE'S AN ALIEN, YOU KNOW!" Dib's voice came from inside the house. The girls stared at Zim.

"He's normal," I said. "Let's go get punch now." I said and grabbed Zim, shuffling him off. I loved how I could do that, because it was a cartoon. Sure, I'd probably never see my parents again, or go back to school, or...Well, at least I had Zim.

I shut the sliding glass door and breathed a sigh of relief. I went to the punch bowl, which was on the (marble) kitchen counter. Dipping the ladle, I got some punch and grabbed a paper cup. Pouring it in, I watched Zim. Zim seemed not to want to touch anything, and sorta just stood in the middle of the kitchen.

I poked his shoulder.

"Can you loosen up a bit? It's a party." I tried to smile convincingly.

"No!" Zim threw his hands up. "Zim will not loosen up! In fact, Zim will get _tighter. _Ohh, so tight I will get, there will be no more...eh...loosage!" Zim stomped his foot. "Zim would like to leave _now_,"

I pouted. "Few more minutes, kay?"

"Fine, fine. But I'm going out; this house reeks of the Dib-stink."

After he was gone, I sniffed a bit. Shaking my head, I took a sip of my punch, leaning back on the counter.

It was weird to hear a house so silent, and I wondered where Gaz was. I was reminding myself to tell Gak about how I'd met Dib when I heard screaming outside.

I put my punch down and ran over to the sliding glass door, putting my hand above my eyes and squinting outside. I could vaguely see Dib holding something, while he and Zim screamed back each other. I yanked open the door and went out, closing it behind me.

"It NATURALLY goes that way, okay, Zim? NATURALLY!!!!!" That was Dib. He was brandishing something about wildly when I realized Dib had taken all the presents out, including ours. Uh oh. Looked like he had unwrapped Zim's nice little gift.

Dib was brandishing the tube of hair gel.

"You lie! I have CAMERA FOOTAGE, Dib! Of you! You and your SMELLY HAIR, and you putting "hair gel" on it! I HAVE SEEN IT WITH MY VERY **SUPERIOR** EYES!"

"I. Don't. Lie!" Dib shouted back, and his voice got shrilly and high pitched. I turned and saw his friends watching, interested.

Then I saw Dib put his arm back, and him throw the tube of hair gel at Zim.

_Smack!_

It hit Zim pretty hard in the forehead, and I saw him stumble back.

Oh. Freaking. No.

There was something behind Zim—the pool.

I watched him go all the way down, limbs windmilling, until he splashed into the pool. The splash as big as if some fat kid had done a cannonball.

I took a sharp intake of breath, and started running.

I knew he probably wouldn't make it.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: The beginning of this chapter has some random past in it.

**Chapter 3**

"_Oh, my baby's sexy for sure,"_ I said, singing down the halls of Zim's base. Yes...that was the Pussy Cat Dolls. I just couldn't get the damn song out of my head!

GIR ran alongside of me, trying to hum for his life. He was doing a little dance with me. Er...not like I was dancing. _"I had to have him when he walked through the door. (Wait a minute.)"_

Bored for my life, I was exploring Zim's house. Zim was at skool, and there was nothing on TV. Well, except that song on a channel strangely like MTV...Anyways, curse the song to the fiery depths of Hades! Or something like that. Even though Hades, technically is not Hell, just the Underworld of the dead...Enough of my rambling about mythology.

I skipped a few lines, and sang, _"Boy, why you trippin' like that? You think 'cause you tricking you get it just like that? (Wait a minute.)"_

I passed a door on one of the long hallways and turned around realizing I had passed it. I stared at it, while GIR tried to sing about a piggy with the same beat I was singing. I didn't pay much attention, but I asked GIR, "What's behind the door?"

"Dododo! PIG! Teeheehee. Huh? Ooooh. That'd be...noooothin'." GIR put his hands behind his back and shifted his eyes. I looked at him curiously.

"What did you do...?" I asked, looking at the door knob.

GIR giggled nervously. Cautiously, I put my hand over the knob, turning slowly. I creaked open the door slowly...

"Eeep," I said to the white cream that was gushing out the door. It got on my shoes almost instantly, and I let go of the the doorknob as soon as I felt it slowly creeping in my socks. As soon as I let go of the door, it got wider, slowly. The door was almost half way open when it completely gushed out, a perfect shape of the door frame. I just stared at it, shocked and yet fascinated all at the same time. It was, like...eating the house.

GIR was already dancing and swimming into it, doing backstrokes and such. And I just stared. And then, suddenly...It was like a flood.

It gushed over my head and I started screaming and my legs were trying to get the point. It was one hell of tidal wave, that's for sure.

_Great...going to drown and die in this...filling._

I tried to run, but I couldn't because suddenly I was about neck-deep in this stuff. I had thought I was gonna drown in it, so I had opened my mouth to try to get my last air. I had got a half mouthful of Twinkie filling.

"_Twinkie_...filling?" And the funny thing is, the question wasn't why the _hell_ GIR had filled one of Zim's rooms with Twinkie filling, but how the hell he got the freakin' stuff out of the Twinkies. You got to admit...GIR has skills.

_

* * *

_

Most people would take their shoes off and stuff, but I didn't. I _did_, however, shove Dib into the pool before diving in myself. I had shouted some slurring curse at him before I did, though. I can't remember what it was.

Zim had fallen in pretty close to the end, but he was completely underwater. Every second was killing him. He was visibly screaming underwater for his life, because a ton of bubbles came up.

After I dived in, I immediately opened my eyes, aware my clothes were weighing me down pretty badly. My left shoe fell off, because I began kicking myself toward Zim.

Even though I was in water, I could tell the flesh was burning off of him. He was screaming, too, his eyes open and they were blistering. He deployed his spider legs I saw, and that didn't work because they got halfway out and wouldn't go any further, due to the fact water was rushing into his PAK now.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him up, kicking as hard as I've ever kicked before. I was near the surface...There. I took in a big deep breath, and was relieved to see that Helena and Lila were right by the side, kneeling down to help Zim out. They grabbed him—either by hand or by his clothes and pulled hard.

I was breathing wildly, by fear and by holding my breath. I pulled myself out of the pool. I had forgotten about Dib—but by the corner of my eye, it looked like he couldn't swim, either.

Boo hoo.

They dragged Zim a bit of a ways from the pool, and I crawled over.

"Why's his skin sizzling?" Helena said, her eyes scared.

"His clothes! Get them off!" Everything was sizzling on him. Smoke rose and I almost gagged on the smell. His wig was messed up—one antennae showing. It was soaking wet, too.

I had to do it.

I took his wig off, then his contacts, very, very quickly. Then I pulled his gloves and boots off. There was water in each of them.

I couldn't tell if Zim was breathing anymore.

"What...Oh my god, he's an alien!" Helena said, and she took a step back. I ignored her.

"Told...you!" a strangled reply came from the pool. Lila stared in shock at Zim, then back to Dib. I don't know what she did next, because I wasn't watching. I was ripping the clothes off of Zim.

Helena stared.

"Would you leave?!" I said to her for some reason. "Can't you tell what I'm doing?" Smoke rose from Zim, still. His clothes were killing him.

Helena took another two steps back and hit the sliding glass door. Then she turned around and opened it, running inside and grabbing the phone. Well, bad news was, I think she was calling 911.

I had already yanked his Invader outfit over his head, and went down to his pants, fumbling with them and ripping them off. I didn't really pay attention to what I was seeing, so I wasn't blushing madly or anything. Zim's sizzling has ceased to a thin line of smoke coming from him. I sighed and leaned back on my heels, making sure my hair wasn't dripping on him. I listened hard for the sound of him breathing.

I didn't hear it.

Dib had finally been saved by Lila, and I turned my head and saw him coming out of the pool, him and his trench coat dripping wet.

"You..." I choked out, getting up. "You bastard."

Dib looked up, his scythe plastered to his head. It seemed to raise in confuzzlement at my insult. "Me?"

"Yes you! You KILLED Zim! YOU FREAKING KILLED ZIM!" I was angry, and I noticed tears running down my face. I didn't care though, and I stalked over with my fists clenched to my side. I pushed Dib, once, twice. He hit the sliding glass door (Man, that door is getting some abuse tonight xD)

"I..didn't..." He stared in shock at Zim.

"Hey! Give the kid a break! He just almost drowned," Lila said. My head turned so fast droplets of water hit her face. She blinked.

"Give him..a break? Zim DROWNED!" Right now I was so angry I could kill. Lila stared from me to the naked Zim on the other end of the pool. I pushed her, too.

"Don't freaking look at him!" Lila looked scared now.

"H-he needs air."

"What?!"

"Zim..he needs air, and the water out of his lungs."

"I KNOW that!"

Lila walked over to Zim, looking at him. I felt this weird feeling in my stomach, like she shouldn't be looking at him.

I gritted my teeth and walked over, trying not to punch something and cry and scream. "My..my hands are wet from pulling Dib out. But—" she wiped her hands on her dress, and knelt down beside Zim. It also bothered me that she knew that Zim was hurting from the water. It was Zim's weakness, after all.

She put her hands on Zim's chest, and she pumped her hands—once, twice. She put her mouth near Zim's...

"I can do it," I growled, pushing her off him. I put my mouth on Zim's, and remembered what I'd learned in school. I couldn't hold his nose closed or anything, because he didn't have one. I also couldn't do it too fast or too hard, or I knew that the air would probably go in his stomach (this case, squeedlyspooch) and he would throw up. So I did it carefully, counting. I held back my hair and he didn't get the worst of the water. "Get me some towels."

Lila nodded and ran towards the house. I prayed she knew where they were.

I put my hands over his chest, and pumped, counting again. It looked like Zim had walked through fire—there were third degree burns everywhere.

_Please don't die, please don't die._

I sobbed once, but didn't let the second one get out.

I put my head really close to his heart to listen, instead of just putting my wet head against his already fried skin. It didn't even look green anymore—more of a black.

Zim sat up real fast and coughed up water from somewhere. Then he got on his knees and threw up what was in his squeedlyspooch. More water.

I watched in horror until he sank back down, exhausted and breathing heavily.

He was blind—I could tell. I could only hope that the skin would grow back like in that one episode. I was kneeling down already, and I sank back down to lie, exhausted, on the brick around the pool.

My only thought that he was that he was okay.

And then Dib had to come.

Lila came back with the towels and brought Dib along with her with a video camera.

"What you are now witnessing is a REAL. ALIEN. Water is one of the weaknesses of the _Irken_ race. This specimen—"

"If you want to keep that tongue, you will give me that video camera," I said, still lying down on the ground and not opening my eyes. I held my hand out. "NOW, DAMMIT!" I felt a little like Gaz.

I heard Dib squeak and handed me the video camera. I opened one eye to look at it, and make sure it was indeed the video camera. It was, and I instantly smashed it as hard as I could on the ground, then chucked it into the pool.

"Wuh?" a raspy Zim said. The water had burned his throat, it seemed.

"Don't worry, Zim. That's nothing but the sound of Dib's camera breaking," I cooed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That was expensive!" Dib was unsuccessfully trying to jump into the pool, but Lila had dropped the towels and grabbed the back of his trench coat.

"You can't swim, remember?" she hissed. Dib was still wailing and windmilling his arms when I grabbed a fluffy red towel and dried off Zim, trying, still, to not look. I spent extra long on his antennae, trying to calm him down.

I put the wet towel on the side, and grabbed two more, covering Zim.

Then I heard police sirens.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I put my face in my hands.

"Yes!" Dib said, and I turned to stare at him. "Law enforcement will finally see the horrible monster that Zim really is!"

I gritted my teeth, my mind whirling. Wait...it actually _sounded_ like my mind was whirling. I listened carefully and found that it was coming from Zim's PAK, and his body seemed to be healing itself. If the police weren't at Dib's house right now, I would be sighing in relief. So Zim's healing process had already begun...That was good. Now to get Zim away from his certain death...again.

I cracked my knuckles and contemplated, trying to figure out how I was gonna do this. Now, I could drag Zim and damage his skin even more...

Hm. I guessed I had about 15 seconds to think about this. I was going to be a _very_ stressed out person because of Zim.

"Hey," Lila said, "The hair gel is still in the pool."

"...How is that going to help me?!" I asked.

"Eh...I don't know."

My fifteen seconds were over. I shot the sliding glass door a terrified glass, and sure enough, two male police officers stood in Dib's kitchen. They had their hands on their guns, and were talking to Helena. She was shooting terrified glances to the backyard and saying something. She gestured to her head, making the "L" sign with her fingers. Then she put her thumbs on her head, her pointer fingers pointing behind her.

Oh. Those would be antennae.

That's it—I didn't know if the officers had even seen me. I took one of the towels that were covering Zim, and lied it down on the floor. I kept the other one near his...er...waist. Then I dragged Zim to the towel, and Zim grimaced as his burned skin drag across the ground. With Zim on the towel, and me sweating nervously, I bent over and started pulling it towards the gate.

Let me tell you. Sloooow progress.

"Ow," Zim groaned, coughing. "OW!" Maybe the towel was thin.

"Be quiet!" I dragged him another ten inches.

"Mmrrr...nnnrreeh!"

"Almost there..." I took a breath.

Dib watched, disappointed, as I reached it.

Then I heard something that made my blood go cold in my veins, and all of it drain out of face. The police had opened the sliding glass door. I mumbled something vulgar and stood up straight. I unlocked the lock and grabbed the towel again, yanking it so hard Zim almost fell off.

"Nnrrrh." I didn't know why he was making these kinds of noises, and I told myself I would try to figure it out if I made it out alive. Yeah. I mean, in this world...If they saw me with an alien, and trying to drag him away, they would probably kill and dissect _me_, too.

"...Zim."

"Wuh?"

"Tell me how much water got in your PAK."

"**PAK damage: Critical**." So his PAK answered me now...

"Craaaap."

"Nhmm." Okay, so the PAK was his brain, basically. With water in it...so Zim was retarded now?

I stopped and stood over him. I grabbed his shoulders, and starting shaking him, to get the water out.

"Eenenenen," Zim said, glaring at me. I could see his eyes—they weren't too pretty. Red to black wasn't a nice change. Did he even know it was me? I let go of Zim.

"Shh, the police are here." There was a little spot between Dib's gate and the front of his house. It was a nice place to hide, actually. As long as the cops didn't search the place, we weren't screwed.

"We're gonna search the perimeter," I heard one cop said. I slapped my forehead.

Why, _exactly_, had I chosen to be in a cartoon? Oh, yeah. I didn't choose.

"Mmm, but we've got that new doughnut place to check out. Er...we got a call. Somebody down there lit a fire. Y'know kids.."

"Oooh, right, right. Sorry, misses...and Dib, we gotta go."

A couple seconds went by and I heard the slider open and close.

I heard Helena say, "...How do the police know your name?"

Dib mumbled something like, "I...er...called them before." Dib sighed. "Pizza guy was possessed by a ghost."

Then there was what can only be described as an awkward silence. Then I heard the front door open and the police go out it. I listened until they got into their car and sped away, with sirens blaring to the doughnut shop. Well, that was stupid.

I looked down at Zim and thought about how I was gonna get him home. There was no way in hell I got drag a half-naked Zim on a towel to his house, and no way I could keep Zim here—Dib would kill him. I could stay with Zim and Dib here, and keep an eye on Zim every second of the day, but... I opened the lock and walked into the backyard. Helena hid behind Lila.

"I neeed..." I took a breath. "Help. And, well, Zim needs some pants."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, we were all in a stolen car, Zim with pants on (yay!) and Dib, Lila, and Helena all smushed in the back seat. I hadn't let anybody sit in shotgun, because, well, I had started screaming when Dib was trying to get in it. I was...a bit...nervous. The movement had made me not only scream, but jump up and hit my head on the top of the car.

"THIS IS **INSANE**!" I turned my frightened gaze to the other frightened gazes of the people behind me.

"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!" Dib screamed quite girlishly.

"Do you have a license?!" Helena asked me.

"NO." I squeaked out. I was a little tense. I was pushing myself as hard as I could into the cushions of the seat, and my arms were sticking quite straight out, gripping the steering wheel pretty damn hard. I looked at my knuckles and saw they were completely white. It was some type of future car that I can't describe that we stole, but it was red. And red cars always got the speeding tickets, because they stood out. The police had just been in the same house I'd been in, and I had just STOLEN A CAR.

"WHO SUGGESTED THIS? Stealing a freaking CAR?!!!!!"

_Seriously..._

"Uh..." Lila started, but looked too scared to go on. I breathed in with my mouth, then out my noise. In, out. Breathing was very calming, yes. Calming...A car slammed on the brakes in front of me and I slammed on mine. Zim slid off the seat (he'd been laying on the laps of the people in the back) and he fell to the floor. I put my hand on the horn while I braked, and didn't stop pushing it. Thank god my dad had taught me how to drive.

"Orrrrsss," he mumbled on the floor. I stopped beeping.

_Calm down, Avi. You just need to drive to Zim's house...It's all right...Not too far...Now pay attention to the road, and you'll be fiiiine._ I reassured myself.

"It was sorta your idea..." Lila said.

I started hyperventilating.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter gets a little crazy. o.O So yeah, be prepared. It IS a cartoon, now, though, so the world is upside down. Everything that should be minor is pumped up to the extreme; everything huge is calmed down.

**Chapter 5**

"Inhaler! Inhaler!" I said, trying to breathe.

Lila whipped out one from her purse she had grabbed before we left. I eagerly grabbed it from her and took two puffs. I took in two deep breaths, noticing the change in my breathing pattern, then gave it back to her. She put it back in her purse.

"Y'know...I sorta know how to drive."

"You are not driving," I stated somewhat calmly and put my left blinker on. I turned.

"Zim is on the floor! DO NOT IGNORE ZIM!!" Zim stated.

"Zim!" I gasped. "You can talk!"

"Of course Zim can talk."

I stared the road ahead of me. "Then how come you were making all those weird noises? Hm?!"

Zim pulled himself up painfully, wincing as his flesh touched the seat, his pants, and Dib.

"EEEEEK!" Zim screamed. "Where is Zim?"

"You're in—" Lila tried to say. I couldn't answer, I was fixated on the road.

"WHERE IS ZIM!" He looked out the window, and put his hands on the windowshield. He looked at his hand. "Where are Zim's gloves? WHERE ARE ZIM'S GLOVES?! And..." He looked down. "...Zim has no shirt," he mused.

"If you scream again, I'm going to crash," I said nervously. I peeled and unpeeled my fingers from the steering wheel.

Then I screamed.

"What?!" Everybody in the back seat cried.

"Sorry! Sorry!" I cried. "There was a car coming at me."

"From the other side of the road?"

We were at a red light, so I turned around to glare at who said that. It was Helena.

"And I thought I liked you..."

I 'tsked' and turned around to the front of the car, trying to decide where to place my hands. I put them on the top, but my already-tense shoulders protested. My dad hadn't taught me where to put my hands on the steering wheel yet. Guess that would never happen. I blinked to make sure there weren't any tears forming, and there weren't. Hmm...

Suddenly the car next to me revved its engine.

_Oh, shit no._

I tried to control my breathing this time, and I focused all my attention on the road ahead of me. No. I changed my mind, and focused on the light. The car on my right revved their engine, too. I thought of the worst curse-word blend in my head and screamed it in my mind. Then they _both_ revved their engines, and I couldn't ignore them now. I peeked at the left one in the corner of my eye, and quickly took my gaze to the left to the front. There was a girl next to me in some type of sporty red car, and she was nodding her head and honked her horn. She had noticed I had tried to look at her.

"Avi?" Zim's voice rang from the backseat. The back seat! Why didn't these people realize I had people in the car?! Argh!

"Y-yeah?"

"What are those other huuumans doing? Making their...engines? If you call THAT an engine...Anyways, making noises? It hurts my—" Zim stopped, and felt his head. "MY INGENIOUS _disguise_ is off too? Er—I mean...!!!"

"We know you're an alien," Helena said.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEESSSS!" Zim screamed. This caused my heart beat to go up to extreme levels, and with the right car now honking VERY persistently, this was making my adrenaline race through my veins. I did something I should never do—I put my left foot on the brake, and as I was putting my right one down, it lightly tapped the gas pedal.

A soft, but sure, reving sound came from our car. There it was again... All the blood draining out of my face. Ooh, fun. I took a quick peek to my right, and I saw two guys, and heard them turn on the radio to full blast. The left one, hearing it, did the same. Seems like they had some good speakers on those cars...

I stared at my radio. Then my eyes went back to the light.

_You just won't race them. Simple as that. They'll enjoy the victory, you'll be safe._

I took a glance in my mirror, looking at Zim. He was against one of the windows, pressed against it and staring. He was staring at the driver on my left. I took another quick glance, and my brow furrowed. Was...was that bitch staring at Zim?

I took a longer look this time, and I...oh, my god. She was _flirting_ with _Zim. _By THAT I mean she was blowing kisses at him. She had a friend in shotgun and her friend was _laughing_.

Zim was freaking out of disguise! Didn't she notice?

The girl in the car blew one more kiss, then smiled and winked at Zim.

Anger flared inside me. I slammed down the gas pedal, and the wheels squealed and burned rubber on the asphalt, because I still had my other foot on the brake. I could smell it inside the car, and I could tell everybody else could, too.

"Think about what you're doing!" Dib said.

My left eye twitched.

The picture of her blowing a kiss to Zim replayed over and over in my mind, and I turned on the radio by hitting the button with my fist. A light came on, and screamo music blared out of it—what a nice song for the moment. I guess the person who owned the car liked it. Whatever. I turned the volume up.

"Oh." I had forgotten Zim asked me a question. I glanced back at the light. "When a boyfriend-stealing whore—oh, sorry, when a bitchy slutty hoe, just can't hold her own kisses within herself—oh, man, just can't say it, can I? Well, when a horny PROMISCUOUS can't-keep-it-to-herself complete STRANGER is just one hell of a demanding little shit, they want to race! And they want to win. But you gotta show those bitches! Like right now, Zim. I'm showing you all right now that when you're surrounded by idiots, you have to _show_ them." I had to kind of shout over the music.

I believe it's now when my "friends" in the back realized I was acting a bit strange.

"You need to pull over," Zim wisely said.

"No," I growled, looking at the red light.

Man! This was the longest freaking light I've ever seen!

"Foolish human! You'll kill us all!"

The light turned green.

I took my foot off the brake and all three of us shot forward. The cars, I mean. And the people in the back seat were pushed back just a bit. I heard the engine below me roaring and my mind screamed _I shouldn't do this_. But it felt so _good_.

I stepped hard on the gas, and saw the two cars both behind me. I grinned. I looked in my other mirror and saw cars were staying far from us. This would really suck if the police came.

I watched the left car more closely than the right one, and then suddenly the cars were speeding up. Ahhh, they must have done that on purpose. I grinned, then took a chance on something I knew nothing about—I took the car from the "D" to this picture of a car hauling a trailer. Umm...okay. It was a bit weird to see letters than pictures on the shifts, but okay...That was the future for you.

The engine made a sound like it was working hard. I looked at the speed dial and saw I had gone up at least a couples miles per hour. I was almost at 130 miles per hour. Okay...I was catching up.

Both Lila, Helena, and Zim started screaming randomly.

"What?!"

"You almost got hit by a car!" Lila said. Oh. We'd passed an intersection. Ehehe...

I shifted to a picture of a car hailing two trailers.

Heh, there we go. I was REALLY catching up now, but the engine...I started coughing, and then I realized smoke was beginning to fill up the car. The other cars started slowing down around me, dodging the huge line of smoke.

* * *

"Did you SEE THAT?!" I shouted enthusastically. We were on the side of the road, long, deep gashes across the paint of both sides of the car. One of the wheels had fallen off, the windshield was cracked on the right, and the engine had died a few minutes ago. In a daring, heroic, graceful way, after I'd won the race and dodged BOTH cars as they almost crashed into me, the engine had died. And oh, yeah, man. I had swerved, like you have never SEEN a person swerving BEFORE! That was why one of the wheels was off!

"Woo, haha..." I then realized that everybody in the backseat was either banged, almost passed out, or bruised.

"Ow," both the girls moaned. They clutched their heads. Oh...oh yeah. when I'd swerved, they'd banged into each other. Zim sat clutching the seat in terror, wide eyes staring straight in front of him. Well...his skin looked a bit better, if you ask me. Except maybe for the bruise on his forehead. But honestly, I think that was just from the tube of hair gel. Now Dib was the one with the close to concussion. I had heard his large head banging against the windshield.

"Ahhh...er...sorry." I looked down to my lap and blushed. "Well, that was a fun, once in a life thing, wasn't it?"

"Dookie," Zim retorted.

I turned around and glared at him.

"Now...uh...everybody out of the car! Yeah!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"I need to wipe my fingerprints off," I said. I'd watched too many CSI episodes...

Everybody stepped out of the car while I went around it and surveyed the damage. It felt really weird with only one shoe on my right foot, since I stepped and I went up, then I stepped and went down. I felt bad for Zim the most though—he was just wearing pants—and what's worse, no disguise. But luckily, if you didn't notice, Zim got his vision back. I hoped none of the cars driving by wouldn't call the police, but then again, people were really stupid here. They'd probably think I just broke down on the road—beside the fact I'd totally totaled the car. And for Zim...people were going by too fast to really get a good look, I guessed. The other racers were nowhere to be found, because they'd taken off after I won.

"I _told_ you!" Zim pointed an accusing finger at me. I looked at him.

"What?" I shrugged. "I didn't _kill_ you, now did I? OH MY GOD! Are you dead?" I poked Zim. Zim swatted my hand away from him. But to be honest, I was a bit guilty I'd let my emotions get the better of me. I mean, when I got mad, I got mad. But still. Zim glared at me.

Dib suddenly sat down hard on the sidewalk, his head in his hands, except around his glasses. "I can't _believe_ this. How are we going to get home? My house is miles away now!"

"Well...That's what you get for trying to kill Zim."

Dib glared at me. "I've tried to kill Zim _thousands_ of times!"

"Then I'm your karma biting you in the ass, sorry."

Lila and Helena just stayed silent. I think people were really going to hate me after this...And deciding that nobody would try to help me by destroying the evidence, I decided to do it myself. Now water would get rid of the fingerprints, but with it not available I decided to just smear them. Since this was basically all my fault, I decided to do it.

"Tell me everywhere you touched," I announced to everybody. "...Or you're screwed." Everybody except Zim immediately chimed in.

I did the handles, smearing, smearing, mm...more smearing. After all the handles were done, I did the steering wheel, and the inside of the car door handles.

"Anybody touch the windows?" I asked this in the car, and the windows muffled my voice. Nobody answered me. "Zim? I saw you touching them."

"What are 'fingerprints', exactly?"

"That'd be the little wrinkles on your fingers."

Zim put his hand close to his face, observing. He didn't have his gloves on, because I'd taken them off at the pool. "...No," he finally said. "But Zim needs no fingerprints!"

"Mhmm...Oh, the stick shift." I ran my finger over that, doing it carefully since it wasn't a flat surface. "Keys," I said to no one, and did them. I looked at the seat, frowning on how wet I had that. I got out carefully, not touching anything and closing the door with my hip.

"Kay, think I'm done." I was turned around and was met by glares. "What?"

"Nothing," they all said.

"Uh, right. Now...you got money, Dib?"

"Umm, yeah," Dib replied.

"Good. Get a taxi."

"Wait! No! I—"

"Yeah. And Zim's gonna need your trench coat."

Dib stared at me, then clenched it by the arms. He looked sad. I gave him a weird look. Wait a second—his trench coat looked dry...Whaaat...I pushed him in the pool! Either I'd raced longer than I'd thought, or it was like that coat had magical drying abilities or something, I swear...

"But...it's..." Dib said.

"Never!" screamed Zim. "Filthy huuuumans! First your big BOWL OF DOOM and WETNESS, and then I have to wear your smelly clothes? Neeeveeeeeeeeeeeer!"

I failed to mention he was wearing a pair of Dib's pants, for fear of him ripping them off right then and there. I coughed. "You're out of disguise, Zim."

"Yes, I realize _that_, smelly pig of _doom_," Zim retorted.

"What did you call me?"

"Yes, that's right! Zim does not lo..." Zim's eyes got big. "FILTH! DEFILEMENT! LIES! OH, THE HORROR! WHY MUST IT BEEEEEEEEEE?" Zim started running around in circles, arms in the air. "THE MOOSE! NARRRGH! WHY?! WHY?!!" He tripped and fell then got up again, still running.

"Did you say...were you gonna say you loved me, Zim?"

"Oh god no," Dib mumbled. Besides the fact that I was realizing this on a side walk in the middle of nowhere with three people I hardly knew near me and a stolen car next to me, it was still sweet. In a...disturbing way.

"No! No! No! No!"

Lila and Helena "aww"ed, even though Zim was still screaming "no".

I looked at Zim in the corner of my eye and Zim opened his eyes just a bit. He stopped running. Realizing we'd made eye contact, he closed his eyes and said, a very sad, quiet "no."

A smile started spreading across my face, because he had said it like he would say "yes". It was very creepy, because that was enough for me. I guess when you're in love with an alien called Zim, that just happened to you. I took a step forward and hugged him. Zim's arms laid limp, and he said a very quiet "ehh..."

"Love you too," I whispered in his antennae, going up on my toes. They twitched, then raised, then came back down to rest on his head.

"Okay, okay, that's enough." Zim pushed me away arms-length and put his arms down. I had a funny feeling in my stomach, and I pursed my lips to make sure I wouldn't start grinning like an idiot again.

"Mmm..."

A couple moments went by.

"Uh, well, I feel like I'm going to puke now, soooo..." Dib said. He was staring at Zim weird.

"Let's go now," Helena said.

"Right," Lila said.

"Zim still needs a disguise...and you're going to have to promise you won't tell a soul about Zim being...different." I narrowed my eyes at both of them, even though my feelings right now weren't hateful.

They both shook their heads. "Good," I said. "Now, Zim is not walking home without a disguise on. So somebody gimme something to cover him."

* * *

Two minutes later, I was indeed walking towards the nearest store. Now, I knew this wasn't smart—stealing a car, totalling it, then totally going into a store a couple blocks away from the car, and buying stuff. They'd have cameras, and I'd be on tape...already. But then again, seeing the police here, I wondered how anybody ever got caught.

I had gotten some money from Dib, due to the lack of money from everybody except him. I'd practically had to wrestle it away from him, after I told him what I would do with it.

"BUT THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW! THE **WORLD! **THINK ABOUT THE **WOOOORLD**!" Dib had said/screamed in my ear when I was trying to get it off of him. I shook my head, crossing a street. I couldn't think about the world right now. Only Zim, and getting him home safe. Nooo, I sounded motherly...

I squinted and saw the store, the letters on top spelling out "**LE OLD GROCERA STORE**". I raised an eyebrow at the name, and pondered whether or not they'd have something for Zim's eyes and antennae. My eyes moved to the next one—bingo! "**LE OLD HAT SHOPE**". It looked a little run-down and old, but okay!

I sorta wished Zim was with me for some reason, but it'd have been too dangerous for him to come with me. So he was stuck with Dib...and the others. Maybe, _luckily_, they _weren't_ tearing each others' heads off.

I paused for a minute, waiting for cars to pass. One large (couldn't even tell you what kind of car it was, because I'd never seen it before) one passed, and I took off running. Jaywalking? No. Jayrunning. I hoped that would be enough for a cop. I laughed at myself, still, because my paranoia reminded myself of Dib. And what would Zim have to scream about that?

Reaching the other side, I noticed my hair whipping me in the face. Must have lost my hair tie somewhere...

I walked to the shop, since I was in a parking lot and people usually go slower there. I reached the door and pulled it open, shuffling inside and hearing a bell ring. I quickly noted my way back, to make sure I didn't get lost. That would suck pretty badly...

There were two old ladies in there—one that was behind the counter, standing up straight with a pink sun hat on, and one freaky smile slapped across her face—and another old lady in the corner, sorting through some hats. I immediately noticed it smelled like old people in the place. I shuddered.

"Why heeeellooooo there, dear," the one behind the counter. I blinked.

"Hi."

And then I immediately began looking for a hat big enough for Zim, to cover up his antennae and eyes. There were a lot of tacky, scary-looking hats. God, it's like, who would buy these? There were even top hats in here..._Multi-colored_ top hats. Not daring to look further, I grabbed a rather large sun hat that was red. There'd been yellow and another one like the lady's—a pink one. Even though Zim would probably not have any objection for the color, I did...So the red one it was!

I walked up to the counter, and the lady's grin got wider. My eyes shifted to the left, then back to her. "There wasn't a price tag on it, so how much?"

"That'd be ten dollars, it would," the lady said. I pulled out the money, which was twenty dollars. I had two tens, so I put one ten down and put the rest back in my pocket. I assumed they didn't have any bags, so I grabbed the hat and shuffled out of the hat shop, before they could say anything else. When my hand was pushing on the door, I looked back and saw she was staring at my left foot. Yeah, didn't exactly have a shoe on that one...

I shut the door behind me and breathed a sigh of relief. Clutching the hat in my hands, I ran back. It was pitch-black now. I ran past the parking lot, past the street and down a couple blocks, retracing my steps.

I was relieved to see the red car there, but not so relieved to see nobody was on the sidewalk...

I was alone.

Well, I 'spose I deserve that...


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: The paranoia chapter! Woo hoo!

**Chapter 7**

First thing I checked was the car. Putting my hand up to my eyes and looking into the windows, I found everybody was really gone.

My other hand clutched the hat. So much for that. I set it on top of the car.

Okay, so I was a _little_ surprised that Zim had left me...

I turned around and sighed, looking around at my surroundings. It was pitch-black, I was near a stolen car I had raced and damaged, and I was alone. A bunch of high bushes were around me, and I heard a dog barking in the distance.

_Great place to get raped... _I thought towards the bushes.

I sighed and kicked a rock that was stuck in between a crack in the cement. Then I shivered; it was getting pretty cold outside. And with the sun down, I couldn't even figure out where north or south was. Not that I had a good sense of direction, I always seemed to be lost anyways...

I heard a moan in the bushes and jumped a foot in the air. My hand hit the side mirror of the car, and I put the other hand on my mouth to stifle a curse word.

The voice moaned again, and I realized it was Zim.

"Zim?" I looked at the bushes, trying to see him. I took a hesitant step forward, then another. At the bushes, I put one foot in, wincing when thorns pricked through my jeans. Zim was in here? I winced again. I looked down, searching through the leaves. I really hoped a bug wasn't crawling up my pants...

"Ow," Zim moaned, somewhere to my left. I quickly ran/dragged myself in that direction. Thorns cut into my hands. One second later, I found Zim.

"Why are you laying down?" I asked, dumbfounded and staring at the back-down Zim. Scratches covered his already-healing skin. "God, Zim, first you're drowning, then you're being cut up..." I mumbled, then grabbed his wrists.

"I have fallen...and I cannot get up," Zim said, a bit pathetically. A bare clawed hand grasped the air. It was pretty weird seeing Zim without his outfit _and_ gloves.

"Why did you fall?" I said, pulling him up. Zim and I both winced, and I saw thorns drag through his skin. Zim stood up, a bit wobbly, but then could finally stand on his own.

"You're hurt..." I murmured, running my fingers around two bad ones on his chest. Zim shivered, then grabbed my hands.

"You can touch me...when Zim has a shirt on. Shirt..mmhmm. Shirts are good...AAAGH!" Zim suddenly clung to me, as if his life depended on it. It was sort of like an extreme hug.

"What?" I asked, concerned.

"The dog! OH, the dog!"

I thought for a second. "Chihuahua?"

"Nooo. Doberman." Zim shivered against me. I decided to ponder how Zim knew what kind of dog it was...later. I looked down and saw his PAK—it had healed pretty well since that laser went through it.

"The dog made you fall?"

"Yes." His voice sounded muffled against my shirt.

"Right. Okay. We need to get...home." Ever since I'd been in the Invader Zim world, it'd been a bit unusual saying Zim's base was "home". It was also weird to abandon my parents, school and...Gak. Well, Gak hadn't been that bad to let go...

Zim's antennae perked, and I was thankful Zim had been in the bushes. He could have been spotted by anyone. Even a non-Dibbish person would have a high chance of seeing that Zim was an alien.

I stared at his antennae, thinking. And I got the strangest urge to touch them. I coughed, and set him down, which was a bit hard. You never really expected Zim to be clingy, did you?

When his feet touched the ground, he looked pretty paranoid, shooting glances left and right. He spotted the hat.

"What's _that?_" He pointed. I looked.

"It's for you. So we can walk home unnoticed."

I stared at his antennae. I don't think he noticed, because he closed one eye happily, and I could see the top of his teeth beginning to come out. I started giggling because of that, and Zim looked at me, changing his mouth from showing his teeth to pouting.

I took a couple awkward steps forward, towards the car. I finally got out of the growth, and grabbed the hat, turning around and facing Zim. Zim was struggling to get out of the plant.

"Argh! You defy _meee_? Zim?!" Zim pointed to a random spot and glared.

"We might want to hurry..." I took two glances left and right. Anybody walking down the street wouldn't be too good right now...

Zim finally hurried and got out. I looked at his wounds and "tsk"ed.

"Hm...I've seen this place before. I think my base would be—that way!" He pointed left. "No, wait...yes! YES!" Zim grinned and put his hands on his hips, turning to me. I didn't say anything, but I took a step towards him and put the hat on him. His hands slumped down when I did.

"You know, I always do wonder..." I trailed off. The hat lifted a couple inches, and Zim looked up so the brim wasn't in his eyes.

"Yeees? Tell me!!"

"Well, your antennae must be smushed against your head." Um, why did I mention this?

"Oh, yes, they are. Very uncomfortable." Zim sighed, and went on. "And those contacts. The ITCHINESS of them!"

"Wait a second—" I paused. "...You could just press the hologram on your PAK, couldn't you?"

"Heh, heh...oh, I suppose I could."

"...And you were going to tell me this...?"

"Eheh, uh, guess I didn't really think about it," Zim replied with a sheepish smile.

I closed one eye. "Oh, you **owe** me."

Zim pressed a button on his PAK, and the human I'd seen in the real world appeared. Zim started to pull the hat off, when I stopped him. "Keep it on, it looks..." I searched for a word, but still couldn't get a new one. "...Cute. On you."

_There's seriously something wrong with me,_ I thought. I turned around and looked to the left, my eyes telling the bushes I was freaked out with myself.

"All right, we might as well start walking. How far is it?"

"Hmm. Maybe a couple of pups."

"Puppies?" I asked incredulously.

"It's an Irken term."

"Oh."

I stared down at my feet as I walked with Zim, feeling the cement under one of my feet. I felt pretty stupid with one shoe on, or at least like some sort of teenager hobo. A breeze was slapping my hair against my face. I really wanted that tie now.

"So everybody left?"

"Yes. Well, except Zim." I could tell he was probably grinning.

"Oh, I forgot!" I said, placing a hand over my heart and smirking. "The mighty Zim was still there to save me from the evil darkness..." Then I added, "...and doom. I'm honored! Your presence fills me with joy, Zim." Well, I was glad _everybody_ hadn't left me.

"Of course! As it should be! I AM ZIM!"

Birds on the fence we were passing flew up, squawking angrily at Zim. He promptly waved to them, his hand making the sound of things cutting through the air.

"You!" Zim pointed to one last pigeon on the fence. The pigeon stared at him as if he was the first person to talk to him. "Feel honored!"

The pigeon finally got the message as we got closer and flew away.

I grinned at him.

* * *

"Seventeen? SEVENTEEN FREAKING MILES to your house? Are you kidding me? Hm?!"

I had just been informed what a pup was. I exploded.

"We haven't even gone a MILE, Zim! Maybe...maybe half a mile. And it's nighttime."

He shrank back. I think he was just learning how loud I could get. Heh.

It was still dark out, and I was already getting bored with the scenery. It was going to take us all night to walk back.

"Can you get GIR? Somebody?"

"GIR is incapable, with the amount of fuel and—"

I kicked a rock in my way and it skirted into the street. But I'd kicked it with the foot that didn't have a shoe on. "Owowowow..."

"—the size of us both, with our weight put together..." I glared at the sidewalk, trying not to hop on one foot. "To transport us safely."

"Do you have any money?...Earth money?"

Zim shook his head, and then his face contorted. "I am _not_ having some _filthy_ earth vehicle '**drop**' me at my base, my secret lair of doom! DOOM, I tell you!" Zim got in my face at the second "doom", and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Listen." I put my nose where his should be, staring into his eyes. "We. Need. Transportation. We're going to get raped—well, me—or something. And I have _one_ shoe on. One! It is not fun, I assure you. I am not walking seventeen miles...of doom...with one shoe. At night. No, nope."

* * *

...So. We were running. Fifteen minutes later we...were running.

Freaking great, I tell you, with one shoe on. I'd stepped on twenty-three rocks, one piece of glass—from a beer bottle—and one straaange-looking bug. And Zim was ahead of me.

We'd gone about three and a half miles, running, and I was dying. I took ragged breaths, and I think I felt my foot bleeding.

"Why," I puffed, my brow furrowed and trying to make my voice reach out to Zim, "Are...you ahead...of me?"

I hit a crack and almost dive bombed on my face, but caught myself with my hands and got back up quickly, ignoring how many layers of skin were probably gone.

I sped up a little and finally got far enough so that Zim could look back and see me glaring. He turned around, and I did just that.

"Whaaat? Does the fastness of Zim amaaaze you?"

It didn't even sound like he was out of breath! I took a deep one and took longer strides, catching up. Zim stuck his tongue out at me, wiggling it, then brought it back in before speeding up.

"Oh...oh, forget it," I said, stopping and leaning against a fence. I took a couple of seconds to catch my breath. Zim was probably still going. I felt something on my foot, like a wet worm or something, and started screaming. "Get it off! Get it—ooompf." That last sound was me falling back into the fence, and it crashing down.

"Eeeek!!!" I cried, falling backwards. Then I was aware of barking, and I opened my eyes after I fell onto the wooden boards of the fence, and looked up, seeing a...haha...Doberman.

"Eep."

The dog—wait, make that two dogs...four dogs, didn't look like nice little pampered pooches, let me tell you. With long fangs, non-wagging tails, and slobbering at the sight of me (and not in a good way), these dogs looked pretty mad that I had joined in on their party. Good thing I was laying down with everything exposed—my throat and stomach.

"Umm," I said, as the biggest one of them started growling at me. "Zim?" I whispered.

Then there was a chorus of noise. More like a chorus of growls, snaps, and barks, but yeah.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: The chapter of lines.

**Chapter 8**

Zim cackled to himself as he ran, not looking behind him. Poor, poor, Avi-human. She was just...so human. And so feeble! Though she had raced against that other earth vehicle...Not like that meant anything, even if Devastis trainers had always warned everyone that racing your ship was dangerous. Zim remembered the slideshows of the effect of accidents, and the disfigured bodies of the Irkens who had. He clacked his tongue. Devastis was the place where they had put him through grueling tests and even the ones that made him able to run as fast and long as he could. But still, Avi was...

Hey! Where was she, anyways?

Zim slowed down, but didn't stop completely—until he ran into a pole. That was it—he finally took the red sun hat off.

"Ow," he muttered, rubbing his head. Zim glared at the pole before looking up and seeing it was one of...those things. What were they...oh, streetylampers? Yes, yes, that was it.

"I am ZIM!" He congratulated himself on figuring out what the stooopid huuuman device was. He turned around, smirking, to see if the Avi had witnessed his amazing thinking.

He pouted, finding out she hadn't. Zim pondered about someday putting a leash and collar on the Avi-human. He grinned at the thought of it, pulling her along everywhere. Heh, heh.

"Come to Zim!" he called, crossing his arms, still holding the hat, and tapping his foot. It'd been hard for him to run barefoot, too, but the skin on the bottom of his feet were thicker than most humans', so he was fine. Plus, you know, he only had two toes, so it was less foot to get hurt, anyways.

"Eeeek!!!"

His antennae raised so fast they bounced, and he could tell it was Avi. She didn't sound too safe...

_Now, for another amazing rescue...from Zim! _Zim thought. He started running in the direction of her voice. A couple seconds later, when he heard barking and growling, he hesitated and stopped. Irkens were supposed to fight their own battles!

_She's not Irken, is she?_

_No! She's a filthy, disgusting, little..._

"The dogs!" he gasped. "Nnhh...no." Zim stood there for half a second, contemplating. "Argh!"

His spider legs seemed to burst from his PAK at lightning speed, his subconscious winning over. If he had eyes in the back of his head, he would glare at his own PAK.

_Stoooopid "_love_". Disgusting...Ehhh..._

He quickly propelled himself forward as fast as he could, preparing himself for everything.

* * *

I closed my eyes, deciding this was the best way to go. The thought of my last image being my own gore flying everywhere didn't sound too appetizing. Thanks, but no thanks.

The one who started growling first tried to bite me first, and I rolled over as quick as I could. The dog got a mouthful of my hair, which would have been a bit funny if I hadn't felt the ripping sensation on my scalp. I whimpered before I knew it, but oh well. I think I heard the dog choking on my hair.

_Ha! That's what you get!_

I scrambled to get on my hands and knees and turned over so my stomach was facing the ground, daring not to look up into the eyes of the dogs. I started backing up slowly, when—

I heard a scraping noise, and looked out of the corner of my eye to find Zim hurling himself at me with his spider legs. The legs were making that sound against the cement and asphalt. A dog snapped at me, but my reflexes got me just in the nick of time. Well, not really. I had felt the fangs go over my skin—I don't know if the dog drew blood or not, I was too busy trying to get on my feet.

"No! No!" I backed up, but it was too late—one of them got my hand. I gasped out loud and was pulled forward by the dog—back on my knees again. It took a while for my body to get the message, but it finally did, and there was blood. Everywhere—all over this guy's backyard grass, and against my shirt as I tried to grab my hand back and it splattered everywhere. Nice, eh?

Pain shot through my hand, and my brain idly thought _I wonder if this dog has rabies._

I scrambled back again, and suddenly I felt a hand around my entire waist. My hands automatically reached for the ones that were picking me up.

"Ooompf," I said again. I just...sorta...hung there. Zim had picked me up, and man, was he hauling ass. He didn't say one word as he backed up into the street, the leader dog staring at the spider legs totally confused. Maybe a little frightened, too.

_Bitches! _I thought. If I wasn't concentrating on how much blood was coming from my hand, I would be smirking at them.

Now, I wasn't that heavy, in my opinion, but Zim was certainly having a hard time. I believe spider legs are meant for one, yes? Yes. It was certainly showing that. Zim was squeezing my waist so hard, though, I felt like throwing up. I was sorta gasping for breath, too, and I think he either heard that or realized he was, because his clench loosened up a bit. I could feel Zim's head on top of mine, and I was soooo glad he'd saved me. God, it was just so convenient to have a Zim around. Except the fact he was crushing me alive, but that's okay! I was also reminded of my old injuries while he was on the ol' spider legs. Like my once-broken ribs.

We didn't say anything after Zim had gone a block. He didn't even say anything when he was putting me down, which caused me to fall about three feet. My already abused hands protested and throbbed, and I stood up (not too gracefully, again) and surveyed the damage. Besides hair loss, skin loss, bite marks in two places, bleeding, and maybe a bald spot on the back of my head, I was okay.

"Ow, ow, ow," I moaned, rubbing my head. I wasn't concerned with the dogs—they'd seen Zim's legs, they knew they shouldn't mess with us...er...him.

"What?" Zim demanded. "Tell Zim what is wrong!" Zim retracted his spider legs and dropped down like he'd done it a million times before. Lucky.

I showed him my hand, and his expression darkened. His eyes narrowed, he said, "Dogs. Oh, they will pay. They will pay double what they have done to you!"

"I like dogs, though..."

Zim gave me a look.

"I _like_ dogs...Ow," I said as my injured hand brushed my shirt hem. "Crap."

"You're bleeding over there, too!" Zim said, angry.

"Shit..." I said idly, looking down to my arm and seeing scrape marks. That must have been where the teeth had dragged. I shivered. "I'm _just _cold."

Zim "tsk"ed, and brought out a bandage and some Irken-looking lotion-ey stuff. I stared at it.

"That better be—"

"It won't harm you. Zim...promises," Zim said, averting his eyes, yet taking my hand and putting a dab of it on my hand. I had a sharp intake of breath when he did; it stung. This time I felt too exhausted to utter a curse word. I just watched as Zim did that to my hand, then wrapped the bandage around carefully. Then he did the same thing with my other wound. I hissed through my teeth when he did that one, and he said, "Y'know..You always have to get yourself nearly killed, don't you? Tsk, tsk...Zim always has to save poor little Avi, doesn't he? Mmm, well..."

" 'Mmm, well' what?"

"Nothing," Zim said, rocking back on his heels, looking at me. He rocked forward. Then back. Forward. Back. Forwardbackforwardbackforwardback. I had a feeling he was going to do this for awhile. I leaned in and grabbed his clothes—which didn't work because it was a hologram. So I grabbed his wrists instead, and pulled him toward me gently. Why was there always a space between us?

One inch away, I watched Zim squirm. I was bursting his little personal space bubble, and I liked it. I smirked.

Then Zim stopped all of a sudden, and I looked up through my eyelashes—Zim was on the sidewalk, I was on that little patch of cement before it hits asphalt. So he was higher up, and I had look up. I bet he loved that.

"Wha—mm," was the sound I made before Zim leaned down a bit and kissed me. My grip on his wrists slackened, and he pulled them out. It was a short kiss—but it was Zim. I mean, all we'd really done so far was...well, yeah. What was happening now.

It ended, and I stared at him dumbfounded. I had usually been the one to do that when the need got too bad. But now he was?

"An effective action," Zim commented, an undercurrent of humor in his voice. He rubbed his wrists, as if I'd grabbed them hard enough to bruise—which I hadn't. Then Zim looked at me again and saw something...Because he started laughing at me. I blinked a few times, trying to form a few words.

"You...?" I managed to get out, before my voice cracked. My lips tingled. I yelled at myself inside my head.

"The look on your face when I do that..." Zim's eyes laughed at me. "You are giving yourself to me..."

I blinked at the way the wording was, but I nodded all the same.

"Yes," he grinned, "I AM ZIM!" He did his little thing with his arms, and I just watched patiently, waiting for the words to come back to me. "...But," he said, after he was done. "You are so innocent..." He tilted his head to his side, and I wished I could see his antennae. He stuck a tongue out, pondering something. "Do you know how old Zim is?"

I heard crickets in the background. I don't know if that was just a sound effect, or if they just decided to chirp at that second.

I shook my head no. I felt the beginnings of a headache. Today had been stressful, but I was very happy that Zim was calming down and probably going to tell me how old he was. Zim's past intrigued me to no end. What I learned, no other fan of the show could dream of. So I listened carefully.

"Zim is double your age, times two or three, plus ten or twenty, minus three, and divided by two. Oh, then multiplied by three or four," Zim sang in a very sing-songy voice.

"Um..." My eyes shifted from the corner of my left eye to the next. "Can you repeat that?" My mind felt dizzy trying to figure it out. When I expected to learn Zim's age, I expected to be disgusted that I was in love with somebody so old, like those weird celebrity couples. But actually...It was different, and is very hard to explain. Love knows no species, gender, age, or race, maybe? I think it was also the fact Zim didn't act his age at all. Not like I hadn't seen any Irkens or people Zim's age, but he _did_ act very young, didn't he? This whole age thing made me realize maybe I was more in love than I thought. And what's even scarier...I don't care. It's like a happy numb, I suppose. A good numb. Knowing that you're in love, and so is the other person...Oh, crap. I just rambled, didn't I?

"Hahahahahahahaha—no," Zim replied, apparently done talking about it. He started walking, and I walked along with him.

"Thanks for saving me..."

"Mhmm. Zim knows. Zim knows _all_."

"You don't owe me anymore..."

Zim grinned. "But oh, _you_ do."

Uh-oh. I think I had a bad feeling about this...

* * *

An hour went by...of walking. Walking and listening and talking and breathing and blinking and nothing else.

* * *

Thirty minutes went by. This time I was falling asleep on my feet.

Zim let me finally rest my head on his shoulder. We walk slower.

Can't remember rest of thirty minutes.

* * *

Asshole drunk drives by. Sees me sleepwalking with Zim, decides to honk horn.

* * *

Ten seconds of honking and waking me up, Zim starts shaking his fist and yelling at them. He is Zim. He is Zim. One more time—he is actually, _the_ Zim.

* * *

Half a second later, I flip them off.

* * *

Three seconds later. Car pulls abruptly over. Guys get out of car, one holding large cooking pan. Slight remembrance of wondering why a dude was carrying a pan around in his car. Other one holds a rubber chicken. Threats are thrown between us. Man lifts chicken up and throws. Hits Zim in head. How dare they do that, he is Zim.

Slight remembrance of loud, obnoxious cuss word coming from me. Possibly with the word "psycho-ass" and "mother" in it, if I remember correctly. Half a second has gone by.

* * *

One second later. Zim and I realize we are dealing with some drunk psycho-ass circus clowns. Very _angry_ drunk psycho-ass circus clowns. Unemployment? Possibly.

* * *

Five seconds later; hauling ass.

* * *

Two blocks later. Wondering why the freak there are weird people in the world. I rest my head on Zim's shoulder again, but paranoid. Dog barks and we both scream. Old man yells at us.

* * *

Thirty minutes later. Contemplating sleeping on the sidewalk.

* * *

Author wonders if you are sick of these lines.

* * *

Avi wonders why she just heard a voice. She realizes she must be hallucinating, or dreaming, or both. Everything is okay. Goes back into haze.

_(And I wonder why it went to third person)_

* * *

4 AM. Zim and Avi make it to Zim's base. Magically switches back to first person.

Everything hurt. Everything. My lungs, my hands, my feet, my _tongue_ even hurt. It felt like it was swollen or something. I took two steps and couldn't feel my feet. Numb is good. Goood. Though my knees hurt. I made it to the couch somehow—I felt like I was floating.

I groaned, not moving a muscle after falling on the couch. Zim made grunting agreement noise to show he was in pain, too.

On the bright side, I think I could now, officially, eat a whole quart of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Maybe two. I smiled like a lunatic after that.

"I'm going to sleep. Mm, bye."

I was too tired to notice that GIR got on my head and was trying to stick bubble gum in my hair. I didn't even remember his high-pitched voice the next day.

But maybe that was because Zim saved me from it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The doorbell was what woke me up in the morning. I sat up straight, horrified at the dream I had just had. Those clowns had really affected my subconscious, it seemed. God, the way they screamed...I could almost shudder. I noticed I had slept in the same clothes I'd had on before, and my hair was probably sticking up. The prickling from my scalp told me this, because when hair was pushed a weird way it usually did that.

I yawned, not thinking and slowly dragging my feet to the door. What time was it, anyways? I opened the door slowly, my eyes going as wide as oranges, or some other fruit that I was too tired to think of at the moment.

"Holy—"

I gaped at the people standing in front of me. I think the one on the left would be Carl, and beside him was the oh-so-fabulous Alyssa. "Wha—?" I tried again. Jackass and Princess were at _Zim's_ door?!

It was a bit funny, though, because I think I heard GIR scream in the background.

"NoooOOOOOooooo! MY PIGGY! Why, my piggy?!"

I ignored GIR, though, and doubtfully shifted my gaze from Carl to Alyssa.

"Do I know you?" I sputtered out.

Whoa—whoa—hold on. They did look a little different...Alyssa was wearing brown...Brown! And it looked like her hair might have gone darker by a few shades. The highlights were now gone, and it didn't look like she was wearing so much mascara now. Carl, on the other hand, had lost a few pounds of muscle, and actually had glasses on. I gaped some more at them both.

"Uh, no. I don't think so..." Alyssa's clone mumbled at me, not meeting my eyes. She sounded...actually...not...bitchy?

I blinked. What was **wrong** with her? She was staring at something in her arms, and I looked to see a tin can of what seemed to be cookies. I could tell because the can was a bright, candy-apple red, with yellow, bold font across the front of it saying "HEALTH COOKIES! The solution to your obesity?" My eyes traveled down a bit, to the very corner. I squinted. "Maybe..." It read. I almost snorted in amusement. But my eyes slowly came up to look into her eyes. Then I switched to Carl's.

"You?"

"No...You _do_ look familiar, though."

Yes, I certainly did, and Carl made sure of that by checking to see if my chest looked familiar, too. My left eye twitched and I slammed the door. Hard.

I glared at the door, mouthing curses not even your friends should teach you. I fumed silently, though, clenching my fists and trying not to open the door and see if his crotch felt familiar with my foot, too, but I resisted. That temptation WOULD feel awesome, though.

I finally turned my back to the door when the doorbell rang again.

"We're fundraising!" Alyssa's voice called through the door. I didn't open it, and GIR walked into the room. He looked the same as always, and I was surprised to see his arms piggyless and foodless, and sticky-less. If you can see that.

"I don't care!" Then I grumbled a little less loud—"_Fundraising..._" I shook my head.

There was a long pause where I thought they were gone, and I had walked over and grabbed the remote before her voice drifted from outside in again.

"There's this rumor going around..."

I started, and fumbled with the remote for a second before I pressed a random button by accident. The TV turned to channel eight, and loud screamo music blasted from it. I fumbled, once again, with the remote, and luckily the TV was loud enough to drown out my curse word. _Maybe_ I should start curbing that whole cursing thing...It seemed to have gotten worse since I'd moved/been dragged to Zim's world. Let me tell you—Zim can stress _anybody_ out. With that whole "dying" thing he liked to pull off occasionally, and his screaming—_and_ GIR, I was on breaking point.

Not that I didn't like Zim, or anything.

"Like I care about a rumor," I grumbled, finally setting my butt down on the couch next to GIR. GIR usually liked the right side, and I'd noticed Zim liked the left. I surfed through the channels a bit, going from eight, to nine, to ten, eleven...Bleh, that looked bad. Twelve it was.

"They're saying this new girl moved into Zim's house. But the thing is, she's not his mother, not his sister...You aren't Zim's sister, right?"

I stifled a hard, short laugh. Did I look green?

"...Right. Well..." I tried looking uninterested, even though she couldn't see me. GIR was staring at me for some reason.

"Are you his girlfriend? And if you are, that's the thing. The kid's in elementary school."

I could almost _hear_ the eyebrows raising. I decided not to answer them, and just wait until they went away. I knew this from the sound of their talking going farther and farther away.

That took about sixty seconds. I watched the TV a bit while I waited, freaked out. So Alyssa and Carl were in Zim's world? Did that mean everybody that I knew had versions of themselves here? Or...what? Was there a version of me somewhere out there? What about...my parents? I bit my lip, thinking. Or maybe—like some scary sci-fi/fantasy movie—my imagination was becoming real in this world. Could it do that?

_Probably not..._ my logical brain thought. _Ugh...But this is so confusing._

GIR suddenly tugged my hair, and I looked down at him. "Are you sahhhd?" He leaned in closer to me, as if he was being intent. I knew he wasn't, though.

"No, I'm not," I told him. He looked up at me. I shifted my eyes.

"You's are, aren't you? Awww, I knooooow," GIR sang. "Masta's been sad, too. But zat's okee! You make masta happeee...I think. The moose told me sooooo. You wanna sing to the moose, lady? Huh?"

GIR's face finally brightened, and I tried to look convincing.

"All right, GIR. I'll take your advice. I'll go see Zim...Who knows what he's doing now..." Then I added under my breath, "Hopefully not laying in his own blood with his PAK off..."

"What did you saaaaay?" GIR asked me.

"Nothing!" I replied brightly, getting up and walking towards the toilet—before deciding to turn to the left and stare the the trash can, instead. "How do you do this again...?" I lightly stepped on the foot thing, before staring down into it. I gulped at how long it might be, and where I might end up.

"Ya need a push!" GIR declared from somewhere behind me. How in the world did he get so close so fast? I took in a breath to say something, before GIR—and I don't know how—pushed me into the blackness that was the trash can. Yeah, weird sentence, I know.

I tumbled over myself in it, shrieking and putting my hands out, trying to slow me down. Bluntly put, it did not work. My hair flew up and I went deeper down, my loud noises echoing off the tunnel of it. This reminded me of Alice and Wonderland, just a bit.

I finally hit ground, though. Not so sweetly, and not so nice.

"Ugh," I grunted out when my hands and knees hit the ground. Where was I, now? I looked up, only moving my head, taking in my surroundings. Zim was conveniently in the room.

Giving...a...call to the Tallest? What the frick? Didn't Zim hate them now?

Zim looked quite out-of-place, pacing paranoid before a screen. He must have noticed what he was doing, or something. What was he thinking? I don't think he noticed me. Yet. So I just sat back on my heels, wincing as my sore knees got more abuse. Oh well. I wanted to know why Zim was calling the Tallest.

I was in a spot and angle where I couldn't see the screen, so I didn't know what they were doing on it. I did, however, know it was them by the sounds coming from it. Purple and Red (sorry, Almighty _Tallest)_ were talking and eating, it seemed like. I heard the sound of somebody trying to suck the last drops of a soda from a drink, and then a loud crunch echoed through the room. I was in the shadows, and still hidden...

"My Tallest, I—"

"We haven't heard from you in a while, Zim!" I heard Red say, disappointed. Disappointed, no doubt, because Zim had decided to call. Oh, that's right! The Tallest didn't know Zim knew his mision was a fake! Ha!

"We thought you died!" Purple piped up in the background.

"Yes, yes," Zim said, not sounding like he was listening. This made me happy inside, for some reason. Zim was finally not being a slave to his leaders, I suppose. "I know all about this. But...The reason I called, my Tallest, is not what you might think..." Uh oh, what was Zim planning? The lighting was too bad to see if Zim was smirking or not, and I tried squinting. Darn, nope.

"Oh, really?" Purple asked. "What would that be, Zim?"

"Yes," Red said, not sounding too happy. "What is it? Did you blow up earth already and need a new planet? Or did the hamster experiment you had to take over the humans not—"

"None of the above, actually. In fact..." Zim sounded like he ignored the gasp in the background from the Elites. Zim had actually interrupted a Tallest, hadn't he? "I would like to announce something. And that something is in the room right now."

I froze up. Was Zim planning on...?

Red's curiosity overpowered the emotion he felt when Zim interrupted him, and he said, _"Oh?"_

"Yes. You see, my Tallest. Zim has chosen a mate. OH, so much mateyness the mate of Zim has, its matealishessness of it overpowers all," Zim said. I could hear the smirk in his voice. Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap. Time to panic, now. Why would Zim DO this to me? Was he INSANE?! ...And most of all, did he realize how _wrong_ that sounded?

Then Zim did something I knew he was going to do.

He started walking towards me.

My eyes widened and I tried to scrabble away, while silence was on the other end. I believe it was stunned silence. My nails scraped across the floor, making a _lovely_ sound. I backed up into the elevator like a wild animal.

_Take me up, oh, take me up!_

I did NOT want to meet Zim's leaders today. Nuh-uh, nope, no way..no-oh-hell-no. Oh, somebody save me. I was already blushing at the thought of it. He had called me his mate? All right, that's the closest Zim could get to girlfriend, I suppose...But oh, this was just wrong. And he called me 'it'? What were the Tallest thinking already?!

Zim narrowed his eyes and grabbed my wrists, pulling me out of the elevator.

"No! NO! Let me go!" I said, putting my butt in the air, and wondering what the _hell_ they were thinking now. Zim started grunting, dragging me forward towards the screen. I tried with all my might to keep my knees (and now butt, for insurance) on the floor, but it wasn't working.

I moved on to trying to bite him.

"OW!" Zim shrieked when my teeth hit target. He waved his abused hand wildly around, anger in his eyes. Heh. "You BIT me? You bit _**Zim**_?! Oh, you _horrible_ teething—"

"I am NOT seeing your leaders!"

"Yes. You. Are!" Zim said, pulling me a little ways with each word. I was getting closer...I was getting closer! Hold on a second...

Was Zim drunk?

I could have sworn something was off with him! And that would explain why he was doing all this. He was sorta staggering around, if you ask me, and this was just insane, even for him. Showing his _mate_ to the Tallest? Me?

"Are you drunk?" I asked, totally baffled beyond belief. I gasped. "Are you an _alcoholic?!_" Again, I wondered what the Tallest were thinking now...I think I heard a soda cup drop, though, a few seconds before.

Zim's eyes widened at me. "N-no!" There was a pause before he stifled a hiccup. I KNEW IT!!!! "Zim...has been sober for..." Another hiccup. "A hundred years! You dare question Zim?!"

"Yes, I dare!"

I heard a bunch of the Elites on the background "ooooh"ing.

There was a ten second silence before we started screaming at each other.

"You DRINK?! I mean, sure that's fine but—WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU DOING?! ARE YOU **INSANE**?!"

"You filthy (hiccup) BEAST! OF DOOM! You will pay for the SHAME you have caused Zim! IN FRONT OF HIS LEADERS!"

We both glared at each other before Zim's eyes got too out of focus for him to glare. After that, I realized there were still people waiting expectantly on the other end of the line. I tried to make a break for it, but Zim grabbed me around my waist.

"Nooooo! Leave meeee!" I totally did a weird dive in mid-air, causing my top half of my body to be on the floor, and my feet in the air. Zim was still holding onto my waist. Dunno how that happened, but all right. I tried kicking.

"OW! My antennae! You dare—"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?! I DARE! Oh, I dare, _Zim!_"

There was an awkward pause after that. And the sound of me being dragged across the floor.

My feet started going into view, because I heard an Irken shout, _"My Tallest, he's got her!"_ and a few cheers in the background that were quickly quieted by ones that seemed to be on my side.

I shoved my head in my arms, refusing to come out ever again.

Zim finally dropped me, then, figuring out I would try to run away from this embarrassment, sat on me.

"Here she is!" Zim stated the obvious proudly, probably grinning. "Victory for ZIM!" I dared to peek just a bit from my arms, to see two colorful tall Irkens staring, completely "wtf"a-fied by us.

I groaned and went back to my arms.

* * *

A/N: I have a couple things to say in this chapter: 

1. Try saying "matealishessness" out loud, if you're bored. xD

2. Happy fourth of July! You know, if you celebrate it.

3. Oh, and by the way, I'm going on vacation. To see family and friends, that kind of stuff. Woo California! Anyways, I'll be gone until the eleventh of July, so I won't be able to update any of my stories.

Mm, that's it. Byeee.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Why did you drink?" I asked, completely bewildered why he _would_. Zim never drank on the show, or, if he did, they definitely didn't show it. It was on Nick, but Jhonen had hinted a bunch of other things, so why not Zim drunk? I hadn't seen anything.

Zim didn't answer. If he shrugged, I didn't feel it. I started squirming under his weight, and he hesitantly put an claw on my arm. I could feel the Tallest' stares. Maybe a few Elites, too. Feh. Nothing I could do about that, I was being sat on. I guess I'd just have to deal with it.

"There's something wrong with you, Zim," I heard Red say. Zim didn't say anything. I wonder if he was having second thoughts about telling them. I really hoped he was. Somebody needed to feel regret for this, and I didn't want it to be me. Especially if I ended up saying something really stupid, or doing something really stupid...

I heard Purple chime in, sounding a bit confused. "'Mate'? What...Ew, that's gross, Zim." 

I peeked, and he was clutching a chip bag to his chest in terror. Oh, the horror.

_Delayed reaction much?_

I decided this whole hiding thing wasn't as fun as actually seeing the looks on their faces. That sounded reasonable to me. I could suffer the embarrassment face-on, but still...Their faces, man. Their faces. I just had to see this. _Then_ I would find out why the hell Zim was drunk "That's nice and all, Zim, but can you call us when something important actually happens? Like...Oh, I don't know. You have smeets or something," Red said.

Even though I didn't know it, me AND Zim gaped at the screen, shocked.

"**What?!**"we both shrieked at the same time.

"FIRST OF ALL," I barked, my voice volume dominating Zim's, "Zim will need MY permission for that, Almighty Crimson-whatever. MINE. And I do not..." My voice started cracking, but I tried again—"plan on having smeets or babies or anything ANYTIME soon, or really, ever. For your information." I pushed Zim off of me, finally done with this. I was young. Really young. I hadn't even though about this with Zim. That's just...Fdfjakdla. Not **gross**, or anything. Just...Zim?! If I would have screamed that thought out loud, I assure you, it would be in hysterics.

"Second of all!" I said, surprised that my voice sounded more confident, and that they hadn't interrupted me. "I...He...He can't really reproduce, can he?" My face flushed, but I still tried to look them in the eyes. Zim sat up on the floor finally, and proceeded to glare at me. His antennae were down.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Purple said, in his high-pitched voice. "It's a consp—"

Red's two fingered hand slapped against Purple's mouth, and he looked absoloutely posiTIVELY scared shitless. Like he really didn't want us to know that.

"ConspiraICE CREAM!" Red's eyes shifted, and yet he tried to be enthusiastic and convincing. He pointed in one random direction with one finger. "LOOK, Pur! Run! FLOAT! FLOAT FOR YOUR LIFE!"

Purple's eyes shifted, quite oblivious to the hand as he was still talking under it, before he spotted the ice cream.

"It's **floofberry!**"He squealed with joy, running—er, floating towards whatever flavor of ice cream that was. I stared at Red.

"Irkens can reproduce!" I exclaimed. "But..on the show...?"

"What show?" Red inquired, looking suspicious.

"Uh..."

"Anyways..." Red said, still looking at me weird. _"_No! They cannot, we never have."

"Wait a second! You're lying!" I knew for a fact that the hatcheries weren't always there, and Irkens used to have something there...Well, I thought so. Ew, why was I thinking it? Now this was disturbing. I scowled and crossed my arms at him, finally sitting up and trying to look decent. My hair was already something I couldn't control, anyways, so I left it, but I could at least be sitting up instead of laying down.

But I knew he was lying. Irkens had to be able to reproduce normally sometime in the past, how would they have survived? It's not like they had PAKs however long ago, too.

"Yeah, well..." Red looked at me, contemplating. "What if I said Zim could reproduce? He's a..." Red's eyes shifted to Zim, then back to me. I nodded, though, showing I understood. Red's eyes grew more suspicious. I was human and I knew Zim was defective? That was probably what he was thinking. I wondered if the Tallest even believed Zim with this...me being his mate...thing. I think this would be even more disturbing if they did. Did they even believe Zim half the time with his reports he used to give them? Or, really...did they pay attention?

"If you said that, nothing would change."

I stated this firmly. I knew it was true, anyways. Me? Having some weird blend of a smeet and a baby? Were they insane?

"Are you talking about me?" Zim demanded angrily. "Well...I _am_ Zim. Go ahead, go ahead, Zim would like to hear talking of his amazingness." Zim flung a hand around. "Heh," he added.

"...Anyways," I said, trying my hardest to ignore Zim. "Why, you think it _would_ change?" I know, I know, I was challenging a Tallest, in a way. Everybody in a five-hundred-mile radius of the Tallest noticed, too. A few head popped up from the side, and they stared at me for a second. I glared at them. This was my business, sheesh.

"I hope not," he replied. He looked at me, and I know he was scared I was going to make little Zims running around. Imagine—not one Zim—but two. Or three. Crap...Did Irkens have one smeet at a time or what?

There was a long silence until I heard the sounds of a very purple Tallest shoving their face with ice cream. "Mmm" sounds mostly came from him. I blinked and was about to say something else before Red beat me to it.

"Yes, well we'd better be going now. And remember, Zim...Only...call...us...if...something..important..happens...okay?" His right eye spastically twitched twice before the transmission cut.

I stared at the blank screen, as if I was waiting for them to pop up on it again. Well...At least that was over...I...guess.. I gazed at the screen with my eyebrows up, bewildered. Then I remembered Zim was still in the room.

The first words were out of my head were, "You can reproduce?! Since when?"

Zim titled his head. "Hmmmm...hmmm...hm!" He did a little shrug and made a noise like he didn't know. This was new, all right.

"So you didn't know?" I probed again. Zim shrugged again.

"Ehh..." Zim replied.

There was a pause after that where I ran my hands through my hair, discovering it wasn't that bad. The Tallest must have been really paranoid that Zim was going to mate or something. I guess if they really hated him that much that they'd hate his children, too.

I almost laughed at the thought, though.

Zim? Having children? With _me_? I almost shuddered at the thought. I just couldn't see myself as mom. But the idea...How insane.

Zim randomly hiccuped again, and I glanced at him. It was like I was seeing him a different way now. Zim felt my gaze and turned his head little ways, to glare at me. "What?" he demanded.

"Nothing," I said, for the second time today. I cocked my head at him, though. "You have to explain a few things for me, though."

"Mm-mmm," Zim replied solemnly, putting his arms down on the floor and putting his head on them. "Nope. Zim is tired. Tired...like a _moose_." The last word was muffled by his arm, but I heard him okay. I sighed, then stopped suddenly as I realized what he said.

"But I thought Irkens don't sleep?" I questioned.

"They _don't_..."

"Then why are you tired?" I anxiously asked. Maybe Zim was sick. Flashes of Zim dying of some foreign disease flashed in my head.

Zim groaned. "So many questions. Shut your noise-tube, my head throbs like a giant shnooplapuss banging her cooking materials upon her foooood..."

Oh. Hangover.

"Okaaaay. But one more question. Why did you drink?"

"It is the most awesomest, greatest, funnest, frighteningly good day of the yeeeear...It is Zim's hatchday. Now—" And then Zim mumbled a string of incomprehensible words before his PAK announced, "**Sleep Mode activated**" and Zim was asleep, leaving me alone in the room.

I guess 'hatchday' is something like a birthday. It surprised me that Irkens actually celebrated something even close to that. All right, so there was Probing Day and hatchdays...It made me curious to see what other holidays they celebrated.

Zim made no sound as he slept, no snoring (if Irkens actually could snore), no nothing. I had never seen Zim sleep before. To not see him screaming or stomping around was kind of...Different, I suppose. He looked kind of...cute...Though I had to anxiously see if his cute self was still breathing before I got up.

I needed something to do. So I looked around. I had thought I was going to go to school today, but that idea just died. Wait...Maybe it wasn't a weekend. Hell, I don't remember what day it is, days blur when you freaking live in Zim's base. I hadn't noticed if time passed faster here, though, probably due to the fact episodes are less than thirty minutes long. I hadn't grown, I hadn't shrunk or anything since I'd come here, and that kind of made me depressed a little. I felt like I was sorta stuck in a spot that time just had decided to abandon, or something. I looked exactly the same as I had when I'd first came to this world.

And, truthfully, I didn't think I could die here.

Immortality is pretty funny when it's forced upon you, let me tell you that. Living for "forever" seemed a little boring to me, actually. Boredom was what would kill me.

I gave the air around me a silent sigh and rubbed my eyes with my fingers. With a full night—or morning—of sleep, I was wide awake. I realized how much Zim actually _did_ entertain me. Hm...

And then I got an idea.

I would try to talk to Gak. Now this would interesting...I wonder what she would have to say about this whole reproducing thing, and see what she thought.

* * *

A/N: I used to hate the idea of Zim sleeping. Since, you know, he actually doesn't. o.o I wonder why I actually put that in. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

No...

Not like I needed to call her, or anything. I could just hear the perverted comments coming out of her mouth.

Oh well.

I grabbed the phone again, bringing back the memory of the whole "cream of Zim" thing back. I grimaced, dialing Gak's number. God, the day I forgot that I would be happy. Truly happy. Of course, I don't think I would remember why exactly I was happy, but it'd still be good.

I stood there, listening to the rings. Thankfully, I had remembered her number. Gak picked up after the first ring, like the insane little person she is.

"Hello?"

"...Hi."

I listened, amused, as squeaky/squealy noises came from the phone. I patiently waited until they were over, which took about five seconds. I couldn't tell what she'd said, or if she had just really wanted to scream gibberish into the phone at me. I seemed to get that a lot from her...

"What happened?"

I thought for a second, contemplating if I actually should tell her. What the hell, I guess I'd just be spontaneous and see what happened. Plus, this whole thing was sorta bugging me. Almost as much as seeing Alyssa and Carl...

I think bluntness was the best option here. "Zim can reproduce."

I waited for her to spontaneously combust or something.

"..."

A little paranoid she would scream in my ear, I slowly, and very paranoidly, moved the phone away.

"Huh," she replied.

"That's all?" I was dumbfounded.

"Yeah..."

"...Is this Gak?" I was dead serious—was I talking to the wrong person? My ear drums had been expecting blood, not total silence and one little "huh".

"Of course it's me! I just...sorta...knew that already."

"How?!" I demanded.

"Oh, I don't know. That whole not reproducing thing just seemed overrated, you know? I think **everybody** knows, really. I mean, seriously, when you think about it, maybe some Irkens rebelled when the whole robbery of their organs thing happened, you know? And somewhere out there, there might actually Irkens reproducing naturally. I mean, they're not stupid or anything. Conspiracies are easy to find, because they always seem to be under your nose...You know?...Plus, Zim is just too damned hot to not be able to have smeets."

Silence filled the air. It wasn't an awkward pause, I guess...Just a "what the hell" one...

"...You really thought this out, didn't you?"

"Yes," Gak replied curtly. A second later, she blurted out, _"_So are you going to have a smeet?"

"No!" I cried.

"...Reaaaaalllly?"

"You're sick, you know that?" I sounded more exhausted than angry or emotional, so it kind of came out unenthusiastically.

"I know—" she said fast, then slowed down, "—but...You should. Like, exactly how many people can say they've had **Zim's** smeet? Or smeets? How many do you plan on having? Oh, oh, oh my god! Can I be the godmother! NO! Can I have one? Uh..Er...Wait, that's kind of ins—"

I stopped listening after that, paling a bit. "No."

"Well," she demanded, "why not?"

"Because! Have you seen me? I'm not the mothering type, if you haven't noticed! And..."

"Well? Anything else?"

"I...Eeeew," I said, feeling a bit immature. Gak started laughing hysterically after that, and I fumed silently until it stopped.

"Yes, but it's Zim's smeet, Avi. Zim's. Hell, if you're not going to do it, **I** will. And I can find almost every girl Zim fan—no, wait a second—even some guys, who would be more than **willing** to—"

"All right!" I shrieked as horrible..._horrible_ images filling my mind. "Enough! But I'm not agreeing to anything! And I have no idea how it will happen!"

"Is there Irken alcohol?"

I stared at the walls, raising an eyebrow. Gak was either freakishly, rabidly obsessed about Zim to the point of...I don't know...or psychic.

Hmm...I think it was the first one.

"Zim is drunk right now."

"Who-oa," she said, stretching it out into two syllables.

"I know."

Speak of the FREAKING devil, Zim suddenly stumbled into the room. I turned to him, still holding the phone to my ear. He held a wall for support, and his skin was an odd color.

"Hmmmmmm," he said, observing something I couldn't see. I raised the other eyebrow at him, giving my face the appearance of me being surprised to the extreme.

"It's Zim's birthday...Well...He said 'hatchday'," I explained to her, even though I knew Zim was in the room.

"Ooooooh," she said.

"What was that song again?" Zim randomly asked, furrowing his brow and looking like he was trying to concentrate.

"What?" I asked.

"Tell meeee," Zim said, narrowing his eyes at me. "The song, that you filthy creatures 'sing' to each other on each others' beeee-days."

I thought for a second, and, shockingly, Gak stayed silent for once.

"It's tradition, I've heard. Oh, so much that Zim has heard, nothing else is THERE to be listened to!" He chuckled under his breath.

Oh, I think I get what he was asking. "Is it the 'Happy Birthday to You' song?"

But Zim didn't seem to be listening to me anymore...

"Since when does Zim have twelve fingers...?" he mumbled to himself, blinking and staring down at his hands in front of him. He wiggled his fingers a little, mouthing numbers on his lips. I tried not to laugh at Zim. He was just so...cute...I guess...when he was drunk.

"So, Zim. When will you be sober again?"

Gak started laughing on the other end again. I hadn't said it for humor, but I guess it could be taken like that.

"Whaaat? Zim is..." Zim suddenly leaned against the wall, sliding down it and closing his eyes. "I feel like I'm going to faint," he groaned. "And throw up. At the _same time_. Why must it beee..the pain...In my...ugh...squeedlyspooch. Ohhhh make it stop, make it stooooppp."

I gawked at him. Had he actually just admitted what he was feeling?

"Uuh...I'm going to go? Zim isn't feeling too good.."

Zim acknowledged that by a low moan.

"Is he okay?"

I took a quick glance behind me. "Um, no. Talk to you later, all right?"

"You better tell me everyth—"

I cut the call before she could finish, putting the phone back on its base.

"I'm not that skilled with pained squeedlyspooches...Can you tell me what to do for you, though?"

"Yesss...GIR!" I waited patiently, nervously staring at Zim on the floor until GIR came. "Show the human where the shleeks are."

_Shleeks...?_

I had also noticed he had gone back to calling me human, again. Ah, well...If I got to actually hear Zim talking about how he felt, even if he was just telling he was feeling sick, was enough for me to take the names.

GIR, obviously in the middle of something (I had got that from the toothpaste slathered all over his face) looked a little hesitant to refrain from going back to his little...whatever he was doing...but still...He eventually listened and went red.

"I need you to"—Zim made a noise like he was trying not to projectile vomit—"make her bring a bottle of that back, and then...Maybe the bucket..." Zim turned paler.

"God, Zim, how much did you drink?"

"Too muuuuch."

While shuffling out of the room with obedient GIR, I mumbled under my breath. "Only like you to not be able to control yourself."

"Zim heard that, you filth!" Zim angrily yelled at me. He sounded friendly today.

"Eheh..."

Turning my attention to where we were going, GIR led me to the trash can. It was better than the toilet, I supposed. For the second time today, I peeked down into the trash can, after carefully noting where GIR was. He was smiling like an angel at me. I gave him one more glance before putting one foot in. Then another, holding on to the rim of the trash can, still looking at GIR.

"No pushing," I told him. I let go of the trash can, screaming the entire way down.

While I was falling, I remembered that I hadn't told Gak about how I was seeing real people here.

"AAAaaagh! Crap crap CRRE_EEE_AAAP!" Falling was not fun, no matter what any crazy, suicidal person says.

Ow. I hit the floor on my knees.

OW! GIR fell on my head.

I slowly took him off of my head, putting him on the floor. Now to the **extreme pain **in my knees. I winced and drug them out from under me, putting them on the side. I bit my lip while I moved, trying not to whimper in pain. I bet I'd get arthritis or something in my knees, now, I swear.

"The shleeks are this way. Follow me into CANDYLAND, Abi!"

"It's Avi," I corrected, not understanding why he forgot my name.

"Oooohh right," GIR said. "Ya see, I used to have a piggy's mother-father-uncle named Abi! And that's why I can't 'member your name!"

"Right, right. The piggy...mother...father-uncle?" I said, confused.

"Yep!" GIR started giggling. He gave me his hand and I took it. He yanked me up faster than I expected, and I sorta...kinda...almost fell over. I think GIR didn't know his own strength, and he was obviously very strong. I sighed and followed him. I don't know where we were. I couldn't tell where I was...It was certainly not something from any episode I've seen.

We took a straight route for a couple of minutes, and I didn't say anything. Too bad I couldn't speak for GIR.

"An' an' then the muffins ran alll the way to the grocery store—"

"GIR!"

Zim's voice blasted through random speakers on each corner of the room, and I looked up and stopped walking. Huh, that was weird. I'd never noticed those speakers before...

"GIR, do you remember what you're supposed to do?" Zim said, exasperated at the same time, but speaking very slowly as if to a mentally disabled person. "Remember...? Theshleeks GIR. Go fetch them. **Now**."

There was a staticky noise for a second or two, and the connection finally ended. You think he had _cameras_, too..?

Making a happy noise, GIR completely did a one-eighty and started running off in the other direction.

"Whoa! Hold on!" I shouted, doing the same ('cept without the happy noise, of course) and running after GIR. GIR's little metal feet hit the floor loudly, so even if I lost sight of him I could definitely hear him...That squealy noise didn't help hide his location, either.

_More running, great..._

I scowled. "Slow down!"

Only GIR didn't listen—he had found something.

_Finally..._

GIR stopped before something, cocking his head cutely and looking up. My eyes slowly traveled up it. It seemed to be some sort of wire-y thing, so it didn't take much of my attention—everything down here at Zim's base seemed to be full of stupid wires...

Wires ran up it, multicolored and it was taped against something. I squinted, my hard thumping.

Wait...

GIR hadn't found...

"_Tick...Tick...Tick.." _announced the object, its bluntness always reminding of how this was a cartoon and not real life. The bomb was very simple, not some of the heavy-duty (or hardcore, if you'd like to put it) type of bomb. A few wires, some tape...maybe it was homemade, or something. It didn't look like it was hastily made—but still. I wondered if it was gunpowder...

"GIR..." I would try to lure GIR away. It seemed like a good plan to me. GIR had already "died", and I didn't think the little robot needed to go through that again. But for me...Well...I didn't know. I think I was going through the numb state right now; the actual thought of Zim having a bomb in his base was somewhere off in La La Land.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH THERE'S A FREAKING BOMB IN THE BASE! GIR, MOVE!"

Ah, there we go. I made movements alike to panicked jumping jacks, trying to move GIR's attention towards me.

Stupid, STUPID GIR. What ELSE would he do; he went forward, one arm stretched out and grabbed it.

Now, it didn't go off just then, noooo. It decided to torture us. GIR swallowed it. Whole.

I gaped in horror at him, feeling adrenaline rush through my veins.

_Run! Run! Run! STUPID! You're going to die!_

Now I knew my brain was telling me the smart, logical thing to do, but my legs seemed stuck to the ground. I just watched GIR as he ran his tongue around his mouth, "mmm"ing and commenting how it tasted. Like...chicken. Oh, my god.

"That did not just happen," I announced out loud, insanely trying to grab onto the fact that GIR now housed a—very—dangerous bomb in his stomach area. Usually, when you say things out loud they disappear. This is what I was hoping would happen. GIR's stomach growled loudly and he giggled, grabbing it. I still gawked at him, then was able to take two steps back. Yes...I would find Zim, and he'd know what to do. Please oh pleeeease tell me he had some sort of Bomb Squad training.

I imagined Zim in one of those odd outfits—the jumpsuits with the screens in front of them, and him holding a gun. Did he know anything about bombs? Well—well, he could explode things well, maybe he knew how to make them...unexplode?!?!

A high pitched whining noise suddenly came from somewhere, and I was terrified to hear it coming from my own throat.

We were all doomed.

With one loud _**BOOM!**_ everything exploded quite beautifully.

* * *

A/N: This chapter is so insane. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Explosions really do stuff to your skin, I tell you. Shards of—I don't even know were all crumbled around me. And had gone through me. Don't ask me why...If wall could be sharp, then I guess it was. Or I don't know, maybe it was just it hitting me so fast it cut.

I had sort of "woken up", I guess. I don't think I'd passed out, exactly. It was kind of like sleeping with your eyes still open, except...I hadn't slept. Feeling a bit claustrophobic (yeah, so what if I was?) I tried pushing a couple shards of wall off of me. I started coughing and my eyes watered, and I decided to close them after that. My shirt was used as a handy mask for over my mouth and nose, and I continued pushing things off of me.

Finally able to sit up without major weight weighing me down, I called for GIR. I know I was really stupid doing it, but...God, that would suck really badly if he died. Again. But, my logical mind _did_ argue that if you ate a bomb and it exploded...Well, sadly; I think you would be dead. So...right.

With GIR dead, I stopped my calling. Except...if he did that freaky thing where he was still alive in his eyes or something...Frick. I looked a little freaked out at the wreckage. If GIR jumped out of there any second now, I would scream sooo loud...

_Zim!_

I pulled my legs out and pushed myself up, the dust on the shards making it easier to use them for support. No slipping or sliding. I coughed again, putting my wrist to my shirt that was covering my face, to hold it there.

He's probably dead, too. God, this was even worse than the time GIR had made Zim eat _water_-waffles. Or when Zim had to come home from school sick one day because someone had started a food fight with Dib and Zim was laughing so hard a piece of actual human food got in his mouth and he started choking—AND that one time he almost drowned and burned to death. Well, maybe not as bad as the last one, but this not-knowing thing was scaring the shit out of me.

I looked around. Had I been blown a different direction? It didn't look like it, but then again nothing looked like it did before. I suppose I was screwed then. Lovely.

I took a quick glance to the floor. No GIR limbs or eyes or mouth or hands or whatever he had in his head. Good.

Oh! I knew what I was going to do!

"Computer?" I asked cautiously. Or had his entire base blown up? The walls were so badly damaged I could see dirt pouring in. Uh...maybe a box titled "Jerry", too. Was there going to be some half-dead zombie-hamster of doom after my ass or something?

The box was duct-taped, it looked like, so maybe the kid was as paranoid as I was. I wonder if Dib had had a hamster once.

"**Yeaaah?"** the Computer lazily replied.

"You're alive!" I felt so happy everything wasn't destroyed.

"**...Actually...no..."**

"Oh. Sorry."

"**It's okay..."**

"...Anyways, can you take me to Zim?"

"**He won't like you coming back without the shleek..."**

I sighed. He really wouldn't. Even if his base exploded, he still wanted whatever...the frick...a shleek was.

"Well, can you show me to it, please?"

"**I can give some to you..."**

"Oooh, gimme please." Now this was an interesting conversation.

The Computer didn't say anything, but a mechanical arm came out and dropped a...shleek in my arms. Turns out a shleek looks like one of those old-fashioned Coke glass bottles. Oh, wow. And it even had the word "shleek" written across it, strangely in the Coca-Cola font. Huh, weird...The liquid inside of it was clear and see-through looking. Shleek was very thin in texture, sort of like water, except it probably wasn't anything like water.

"What does this do exactly?"

"**It will 'sober him' up, in your terms..."**

"Oh...Has he used this before?" Yeah, that's me...checking to see if Zim is an alcoholic.

"**No..."**

"Cool," I idly replied, happy now. "Can you take me back to Zi—"

Ah, that friggin' computer. A platform I didn't even know was there opened up below me and I shot up. I practically dropped the shleek while it happened, but managed to do some weird dance of some sort to grab it. Heh, I got skills.

It stopped suddenly, and the shleek flew out of my hands. Awww...I didn't catch it and it clattered to the floor. It didn't break, though. Whoa, look at that! Must be some weird-ass Irken glass stuff. Maybe they found a way to blend plastic and glass or something. I bent over and grabbed it again, happy it didn't break.

Coming back up, I noticed...

This floor wasn't even _touched_ by the explosion.

"Give to Zim," Zim said, and I jumped from the noise. He snatched the thing, looking quite happier now that he had it. He was still in the same place he was before; the computer had been nice enough to pop me up next to him.

"Oh, sorry," I replied, watching him as he bit into it. Uhh...The cap was still in his mouth, and he spit it into his palm. Then I watched him drink it. Holy mother of cheese, it had turned orange. Maybe oxygen exposure changed its color? Interesting...

"A bomb exploded a couple floors down." I had decided to just blurt it out, you see.

Zim spat dramatically. I happened to be standing in the way to get a good blast of it. Great, great, greeeaat. I had shleek all over me. Should I be burning? Hmm...Fizzling sounds were coming from me, so I believe that _wasn't_ good. Maybe it was dissolving my clothes. Crap. I took a glance at Zim. He looked too busy freaking out to bother if my clothes were disappearing.

"_What?_"

I ignored him, watching the liquid drip from my clothes to the floor. Zim looked at my eyes in dumbfounded shock. He blinked. I blinked.

"COMPUTEEEEEEER!"

Zim didn't even have to say it before a spot opened up on the floor and took him down. I wasn't going to stand here, alone, for who knows how long before Zim would come back up. Knowing Zim, he probably would take days and _then_ finally notice me. I, being the lucky one, would have probably starved to death by then. No, no, dehydration sounded more reasonable. Freaking Zim had a grudge against water, and that'd almost killed me the first week I'd gotten here. It had also taken me forever to get him to build a shower for me.

Anyway, the point is I asked the computer to take me down. I think the computer liked me...Or, at least, better than Zim. When the computer did stuff for me, it was more like favors for a friend than exasperated giving-in.

When I was going down, I saw a bunch of random rooms. Rooms that have held unspeakable things, things that GIR looked like he liked—and had messed up—and other random rooms. Of doom. I think one was actually full of live, squealing pigs. Mostly, though, the other rooms just looked very wirey indeed.

When I reached the floor, I immediately saw Zim. Freaking out.

"My base! MY BEAUTIFUL BAAASE!" Zim tugged on his antennae, running one place, then the next. He ran in a very zig-zaggy way, which made me stare. Zim stopped suddenly. "How could I not notice...? No alarms...? There must be some sort of bug...Computer!!!"

In the next few minutes, Zim gave commands to the computer, demanding the problem should be found. Zim had to be told thirteen times before he got it that the computer had actually noticed, not really cared, and hadn't told him about the bomb. Plus, the computer had known I was going to tell Zim about it.

"There's detectors for that! And if they malfunctioned, why didn't _you_ notice the boooomb?" Zim asked.

"**I did."**

Zim's eyes got wide and his hands went to his antennae again. "Why did you not tell Zim?!"

"**I was sleepin'..."** The computer said this defensively.

"COMPUTERS DO NOT SLEEP! You lie!"

I laughed, and Zim either didn't notice or didn't care, because he didn't do anything.

Zim kicked something angrily and it broke. "Stupid! Dookie! Arggh smelly—pig—weasles—I—Zim—something!" Zim growled and crossed his arms. "GIR! Clean this up."

"Uhh," I said, seeing my time to interrupt, "GIR...kinda...ate the bomb."

Zim stared at me blankly.

I cleared my throat. Then he threw his hands up into the air.

"That_ horrible IGNORANT _**MALFUNCTIONING** ROBOT...! WORTHLESS! Absolutely WORTHLESS! Heh. Well..." Zim mumbled something.

"Well, you sobered up pretty quick," I commented idly.

"The _Dib_-monkey better not find out about this," Zim muttered darkly, gazing at the room. "It would fill his GIANT HEAD of MONSTROSITY with the idea that Zim's base is IMPLODING on itself. But it is not!" Zim stuck a finger in the air defiantly.

"Do you have any idea who would have planted the bomb?"

Zim put a hand to his chin, thinking. "Hmmmm...No, not at all."

I was mentally naming off everyone who could've.

"Dib?"

"Ha!" Zim snorted. "Never. The Dib-thing wouldn't have access to that sort of technology. Let alone succeed to putting it _my_ base. How would the worm have _planted_ it?"

Crap. My thoughts had just drifted to the Tallest. Zim wouldn't like that idea at all...No matter how much he thought he's gotten over them. Or hated them. But still, I guessed I was just going to throw it out there.

"The...Tallest?"

Zim had been investigating the damage. He turned around and stared at me. God, he was doing that a lot today.

"I mean," I said quickly, "it probably isn't, but you know they have the technology. I saw the bomb though and it kinda looked...low-tech, so it probably wasn't them." I noted I used the word 'probably' twice in that sentence. A tiny voice in my head chimed in, though, saying, _what if they wanted it to look low-tech so that you or Zim wouldn't think it was them? And, they __**can **__teleport things...They are paranoid about that whole breeding thing, too..._

"I think..." Zim thought. "...I dunno. But Zim _will_ find out who did this," Zim's eyes narrowed and shifted, as if he was making a threat to the air. Well...He was, I guess.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I want to find out, too..."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Hi," I said to the class in front of me. They were all staring at me. Maybe it's because I came to school _with_ Zim. Yeah, that'd be kind of creepy seeing a girl coming to class with him. "Um...I'm Avi. And...I'm...normal?"

Wow, it wasn't obvious that Zim had told me to say that.

Zim nodded enthusiastically in his seat, his fingers interlaced. And, yes, Zim had finally gotten me in school.

"So...yeah," I added lamely. Dib was staring at me even harder than the others.

"You can take your seat now," Ms. Bitters told me. She'd told me it was the one behind Zita, so I was going to be two seats behind Zim.

I felt Dib's stare on me as I walked past Zim. Zim was doodling something on his desk, so he wasn't paying attention to me. When I sat down, Dib's eyes narrowed at me. Psh, whatever. I still hadn't forgiven him for the pool incident.

"What" I mouthed at him, shrugging. Most of the class had gone back to whatever had been occupying their time before. Dib blinked. Then he mouthed something at me. I couldn't understand it, though.

"_What_" I mouthed again at him, giving him a confused look. His brow furrowed, but he did it again. I stared blankly at him. He had said the word "you" and "are", though. I'd gotten that.

"'Are you'? What?"

"Are you..." Something. Something. He made gestures in the air, trying to explain. Nope. He did this weird thing where he put his hands to his head, making his fingers point outward. He was officially insane and out to spread it, I suppose. Weirdo.

I shook my head at him, giving him a "wtf I don't understand a freaking word you're saying" look. Dib angrily blinked, then grabbed a pen and started scribbling something furiously on a piece of scratch paper. I turned back to my desk, weirded out. I stared at a random "obey" scribbled at the top of the desk. And then of course there were things that oddly looked like fingernail marks. Like someone had been dragged across the desk or something...Creeepy, but okaaay...

I turned my attention to Ms. Bitters. My brain was a little foggy, though...I hadn't been able to go to sleep last night. GIR had been up all night making something bubbly and soap-smelling. I'd heard slopping noises coming from the kitchen, too, and I hadn't even tried whatever he had made. Zim obviously hadn't slept either, but that was just an inside joke between us. And maybe Dib.

Speaking of Dib, something hit my eye.

Yeah.

He'd thrown something at me, and it hit my FREAKING eye. It twitched once and closed.

_Freaking nice aim, Dib! _I thought angrily.

Grumbling and glaring, I looked down at whatever it was. Paper. With my name on it. Right, okay. A note. It was crumpled up, so my name was on a random angle of it. I looked up at Zim, and he thankfully hadn't noticed the whole note thing. As much as I liked the idea of Zim getting defensive for me, I could deal with this. Plus, the screaming fits, man...Defensive Zim meant screaming Zim. There was enough screaming at home, believe me...

I picked it up, giving a cautious glance at Ms. Bitters. She was writing something on the board now, and I swear it sounded like she was dragging her nails across it. I slowly unfolded it on the right side corner of my desk, trying not to make a lot of noise. Dib was staring at me again. Finally, it was opened up all the way, and I stared at it.

"Are you an alien?" it read.

I stifled a sarcastic laugh. Along with the words, there were glaring smileys all around it. Is that what he wanted to know, really? Heh, wait till he found out Zim had actually fallen in love with a _human._ Heh.

"No" I wrote back quickly, then drew a couple happy smileys...Well...happy smileys with horns. I crumpled it up, and Ms. Bitters started staring at me.

I looked up and she glared at me, so I stared at my desk for a few minutes. When I thought I was in the safe zone, I threw it overhand as hard as I could at Dib. Let's see how HIS eye did with paper. Eh? Eh?

It hit the kid behind him.

_Dammit!_

"WHAT ARE THESE FLYING PROJECTIIILESSS?" the kid screamed. Holy crap, it was Screamy from "Ten Minutes to Doom"!

Dib luckily knew it was from me, because he grabbed it pretty fast. Screamy looked around for the note. He looked on each side of his desk, then under it, while Ms. Bitters croaked "Silence, Screamy!" Screamy shut up after that, but scratched his head, very confused.

I watched Dib read the note from the corner of my eye while I played with my nails. They were still purple from when I'd met Zim. God, that was so long ago...But nothing really changed when you went into this world, so my nail polish wouldn't chip or anything. You'd think a girl would like that, but nooo, now it just pissed me off. I couldn't change the color now, and now I was stuck with purple nails for life. The color purple reminded me of Purple and Red, and that reminded me of the bomb and that reminded me of exploding things and death and blood. And dead Zim. Because that was a really close call. Who knows if he'd been next to GIR or something when it exploded. I didn't know how well Irken bodies take explosions, but I reeaally didn't want to take the chance.

But there was still Dib.

Dib could have planted the bomb. It was very simple, anyways. Something he _might_ be able to build, no matter how stupid Zim thought he was. But would Dib really do that to Zim? He didn't seem that...cruel? No, that wasn't it. It's just not something Dib would do. _And _didn't he want Zim's body for experiments? If the explosion would have been a success, Zim's body would be blown to bits.

So.

It _had_ to be the Tallest. Yes, I could see them doing that. Unless...

Zim had a weird past with a lot of enemies. Come to think of it, wasn't _everybody_ his enemy on Irk?

I looked up at Ms. Bitters. Then the clock. I sighed, then put my head down on my arms.

In the next few minutes I think I zoned out, because suddenly I was jumping in my seat because the bell was ringing. Zim immediately got up and went for the door. So did Dib. But then somebody tripped Dib and Zim won the "race".

You know, I kinda felt bad for him sometimes.

Dib got up, heaving himself up with Ms. Bitter's desk and making a "nyah" noise. Ms. Bitter's shadow suddenly became taller and wider, and she hissed something at him.

"Don't touch the desk, child!"

Dib made a scared noise after that and took off running out the door. I kinda felt awkward that I hadn't helped him up...

Wait.

No, I didn't.

Dib was Zim's enemy. I knew that.

Shaking my head, I walked through the door. There was something wrong with me today...

Since Zim didn't buy lunch anymore (after the big food fight with Dib, he'd been shunning it) he was one of the first kids to sit down. Plus, other people had decided to shun lunch, too. Like a quarter of the girls in the school. So it wasn't considered _that_ odd anymore.

I, also, was shunning lunch, but not for the reasons the quarter of the girls were. I just knew I couldn't eat that stuff. Did you see what happened when the grey goop went into that kid's eye? Nuh uh, my poor eyes had enough abuse today. Another reason I didn't eat is because of the lack of food at Zim's house. I was paranoid; I hadn't even touched Irken food yet. I would, though. Zim said it wouldn't _kill_ me, so...I was still paranoid.

Zim sat there in his normal, usual table. I walked over and sat down, saying nothing. He looked at me weird though for a couple of minutes, so finally my head shot up.

"What?"

"You're..._sitting_. Next to _Zim_."

Anger flared up inside of me. "Well where the hell am I supposed to sit then?" I said.

He shrugged, his eyes not on me anymore. I shifted my eyes from Zim to Dib. He wasn't looking at me either, thankfully. So I was lucky enough to be able to stare at him for awhile. He was poking his food with his spork, but occasionally writing something down. He wasn't looking at Zim. It kinda looked like he was writing down notes on his food. Creepy, again, but okay.

In the next five minutes I decided to do something random. The boredom was getting to me, and you know what? I wanted a reaction from Zim. I didn't get it...he'd gotten a bit better with the whole showing affection thing, but it was like he went to school today and it just died. I felt like I had to start over new with him every day sometimes.

The random thing was to get up and go sit with Dib.

This got an interesting response from Zim, but still a bit of a predicted one. Zim got mad. While I was walking over, a few kids looked up at me. I don't know why, but I think they thought I was insane already.

Dib never looked up until I sat down next to him. Gaz, of course, was sitting next to him playing her Game Slave 2, not really caring whether or not I sat down next to her brother. I decided to sit right next to him instead of across, because then I could see Zim from my seat.

Zim had taken a while to realize I'd gotten up, but when he had it had been after I sat down. He stared at me in shock, his eyes getting wider and his lip moving to protrude a little more. Yes, that was his surprised look all right.

"Hey!" Zim shouted loudly across the cafeteria. "Hey! Hey! YOU! Come back here!" Zim's hands went to the table, and he looked like he was about to heave himself up but then realized he shouldn't care. He sat down, looking very hesitant.

"Soooo, Dib," I said, ignoring Zim and putting an arm on the table, leaning my head against it. Casualness was the keeey. Dib looked a little freaked. "Plant any bombs lately?"

"_Ha_," Gaz said, finally deciding to speak. "Dib? With a bomb? He'd be so _stupid_ he'd blow it up before he could plant it."

"Hey!" Dib said. "I would not!"

Gaz shrugged and smirked, not opening her eyes. Then, with that said and done, she went back to her game.

So that was it. I was now ninety-eight percent sure it was the Tallest. That was all I'd really come over for, but I still sat there.

"So you really _aren't_ an alien?"

"Nope," I said, bored.

"Then why does _Zim_ like you? I mean—he's Zim. He doesn't like _anybody_. From what I know, anyway. Well...There's always his Tallest—"

"His Tallest suck," I said bluntly. I wouldn't bother with explaining. But those Irkens were starting to really piss me off. I bet they hadn't even done any dirty work of the bomb. I could just see it...They probably told a random Elite to do it and celebrated by eating. And Zim couldn't die...That was kind of a theory I'd made up. You know in all those cartoons you used to watch as a kid, how the main character can die, but always seems to come back? In fact...the other day I helped Zim try to find all the GIR pieces. It was sort of like finding a needle in a haystack, but GIR couldn't just die and never come back...

"Ummm...Okay."

There was an awkward pause after that that I would have noticed if I was paying attention. I was too busy trying to see if Zim was watching or not.

He was. He looked pissed, too.

"THAT'S IT!" Zim bellowed at me. "Come here! Come to ZIM now!...Or else!"

Zim was standing up now, screaming at me. I contemplated getting up and actually listening to him, but, I dunno, I wondered how mad he got actually get.

I looked at Zim and rapped my nails against the table, waiting.

"Grrrrrr," Zim growled. "DEAR IRK, you are one of the WORST females I have ever met! What is WRONG with you! Have you the brain worms?! COME! COME HERE NOW!!!!" Zim made pointy motions to the ground. I felt like a dog. But finally I decided it would be best if I got up...

I swung my legs over and walked over, taking my time and smirking.

I sat down next to Zim now, happy. He grumbled the rest of lunch, but that was okay.

Sometimes Zim needed a little push.

I'd figure out this whole bomb thing later.

And what I planned to do the Tallest. They weren't going to get away with trying to kill Zim _this _easily.

* * *

A/N: ...Alright...I'm not safe anymore. This is the last chapter I wrote before I took the story down...So, I have to start writing again on this story... 

It's gonna be a miracle when I finish this story. It'll be hard as helllll getting back into this story...Don't kill me! Eek! -runs off, trying to find the biggest muse the earth has ever seen-


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: YEEEESSS! I made another chapter! After...a lot of months of idleness, even though I uploaded the pre-written ones! Anyway...this is a chapter living up to it's teen rating. The end it's hinted that...Well, you'll see when you get there. And when you do, hopefully you know.

**Chapter 14**

Not only was this hard for Zim, it was hard for me, too. Well, not really, but I really did need this. Not like I needed other things, like edible things and clothing and stuff, but I really needed to hear this.

"I...Zim..." Zim struggled to get it out. Aww, poor baby. Not.

"Yeeeesss?" Yay! He was doing it, he was doing it! I tried not to dance around like a mad person.

"Zim won't do it," he said, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes.

"'Won't', or can't?" I chimed in.

"Caaaaaaannnnnnnn'tttttttuuhhhokay won't."

"Ahh, yes, see! You really can!" Ew, okay, I sounded like one of those self-motivaters who married a person who's the voice on advertisements.

"Nooo. Zim will not do it."

I pouted at him. He glared at me. I unleashed powerful final level pouting. He glared even harder, if that was possible. Then I reached into my jacket and pulled out a water bottle.

Zim shrieked, clawed, and practically crawled out of the room. The other day I had accidentally spilled my soda on him. He was scarred forever. Zim turned the corner and was in the kitchen now.

"Come baaack heeere!"

"NEVER!"

You see, the thing is, I was trying to get Zim to say the Tallest quite POSSIBLY, may have planted the bomb. It wasn't going so well, but my trusty water bottle always helped. Yes, I was cruel. It's called tough love. And opeenniing of the miiinds! I couldn't get back at the Tallest without Zim, now could I?

And then I decided to do something I'd never do - I gave up. Yes, I know, SCANDALOUS! Ah, get over it, you'll see what I mean in a second.

"Okay Zim, I give up." There was a hesitant pause before Zim's ego took over.

"Of course! Zim knew rebellion against Zim could not last long! Ah haAAAAGHHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

I had creeped up while Zim had been too distracted by himself. He had made it under the kitchen table. I went around behind him. Then, when I was sure he didn't know I was there, I pounced in between the chairs. That's when the screaming had started.

Grabbing his arms, I managed to wrestle him for awhile until I was able to put a knee on his squeedly-spooch.

"Now say it," I said.

"Nev...aaarr..." I raised an eyebrow at his resistance and held up the water bottle. I would never actually hurt him purposely with it, but it was a good "bargaining" tool. It was one of those bottles where the top of it closed when you pushed on it, and you could pull it up to let the water come through. I used my teeth to open it and that's when he broke.

"O...kay...Just...Gerroff...me..." I believe I was interfering his talking, and maybe breathing, if he actually did breath.

I made my knee go just a little less hard on him, but didn't get off of him. I knew he would make a run for it as soon as I let him up.

Zim glared at me, then cleared his throat. "The Tallest...may..." He coughed here, deliberately, and I sunk my knee in harder. "havegivenZimthebomb!" That was good enough for me. I pushed the top of the water bottle down and set it on the table above us. My task was done, and this is what I had wanted from him. Mwahaha.

"'Given', Zim? You sound like it was some sort of gift." He bared his teeth at me. "I don't know," I said, continuing, "but I don't remember _that_ as being one of the anniversary gifts you're supposed to -"

Zim suddenly grabbed me and we tumbled across the floor. Now he was on top of me, to my surprise.

I tried to gain the dominance by grabbing one of his antenna, which I'd always wanted to do. I didn't do it harshly or anything. Zim got a peculiar look on his face, though...

His antennae were kind of how I imagined them - kind of like pipe cleaners, actually. Except they were less bendy, and I could feel either cartilage or a very thin bone in them. Hm, interesting... Another difference is that they weren't as furry as pipe cleaners.

Zim's face looked more and more relaxed as I ran my fingers down his left one, which was on my right. I reached the curve at the end of them, and he started purring. His eyes were half-closed now, and he looked almost drunk. Not to remind me of _that_ experience I'd had, I pushed it out of my mind. Drunk with pleasure, maybe? Hehe...

He suddenly collapsed on me, apparently not caring too much that his personal bubble had been destroyed. Oh well, not like I didn't enjoy this rare closeness. His hands hung on either side of me. I took my other free hand and lightly ran it down his other unoccupied antennae. Now both were being caressed, and his purring was so loud in my ear it echoed in my head.

This must look insane - him and I in the kitchen, together, like this. Not to mention I was totally touching his antennae, and I wasn't sure what I was doing, but so far I think I was really skilled with whatever I was doing. Maybe I would ask him about it later...

I used two of my fingers to start rubbing on the bottom of his antennae, right where the curve started. I had found out this was a sensitive area by the loudness of his purr.

Then Zim's hands moved, and my eyes widened. He had put them under my shirt, near my bell button. My hands immediately froze and Zim jerked a little out of his trance.

I cleared my throat, while he blinked. Achem.This was not why I threatened him with that water bottle a couple minutes ago.

"Look where your hands are," I told him. He did and his eyes widened as big as mine were. Obviously we both weren't expecting this. However, he didn't move his hands. I raised my eyebrow at him, in question.

He looked like he was thinking for a moment until he crashed his head into mine, and we were kissing. I was shocked but I went along with it.

He suddenly ripped off his shirt viciously like it was on fire or something. That miiight have been because I had started touching his antennae again.

"Whoa, whoa...Wait..W-what's happening here?"

He paused for a second. "Isn't this what we're supposed to do?" I blushed at his bluntness.

"Do they...Um...Do this on Irk?"

"Yes and no," he said. "I know it's illegal if you can," he added.

"Well..." I coughed. "Good thing you're not on Irk."

He stared at me and blinked slowly, as if what I'd just said had some hidden meaning in it...Ehm... Then we were kissing again, and I was touching his antennae again and it was...nice.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I found out that writing on my laptop makes me write faster and better, without as much writer's block. I don't know why, but it's easier. So I wrote this chapter on my laptop, and had to rewrite the entire freaking thing, which took forever, on this computer. (My laptop doesn't have internet anymore.)

Rewriting anything just sucks. If there's a crap load of errors in this, well, psh, it's 'cause I freaking rewrote it! I've spell checked it (which I do all my chapters) and reread it, but whatever.

Sorry it took so long, I know you guys are waiting. On a happy note, I've got a twist in the story, which I've been planning ever since chapter six. Bet you all the money in the world you didn't catch it. There's like, only one sentence in there that hints it. xD

**Chapter 15**

Two weeks later, I was practically passed out on the couch, taking a nap, while Zim was trying to build something on the couch with me. It had something to do with energy powered by onions. He had smelled them the other day and figured out their smell was so great he could power things with it. I was humored by it, so I helped him. Then I got tired and decided to sleep.

I awoke to the sound of pounding on the door. I blinked my tiredness away. Zim automatically thought it was Dib and threw his boot at the door, which ended up going through the window. Oops. Zim growled something in Irken. He probably thought Dib was going to steal his onion power of doom.

Turns out it was far, far from Dib. The head of a police officer poked through the new hole in the window. Terror struck me—what was a police officer doing at Zim's base? Obviously, I expected the worse.

Had they found out he was an alien? Was Zim doomed to be dissected...? What was going on? Zim ran off for a couple seconds to put on his disguise, and quickly returned. The officer didn't notice a thing.

"I'm looking for an Avi?" Of course they didn't say my last name, since it doesn't really seem to count in this world. Or maybe they didn't know it. Either way, it wasn't said.

"Yeah?"I said, swallowing. What would they want with me? Well, at least they didn't want Zim...

The police officer looked me over for a second, and then pulled out a plastic Ziploc baggy from one of his pockets. I was surprised by two things. One; they had Ziploc baggies in the Invader Zim world, and two; a hair tie in the bag seemed oddly familiar...

"Is this your hair tie?" the officer asked, looking at me as if I had done something terribly wrong.

It actually WAS my hair tie, but I hesitated before saying it was. They always say to be honest with the police, but how do you know the police don't just say that?!

Also, I couldn't figure out how they had gotten it in the first place. I don't go handing out my hair accessories, you know.

I tried to think of when I'd lost any...

_Ohhh..._

I realized where they had gotten it...When I had stolen the car, I had...lost my hair tie...Oh. My. GOD! Was this supposed to be evidence that I had stolen the car?! I was so, so, effing screwed it wasn't even funny.

Was I going to jail?!

When I tried to calm down enough to figure out whether or not to answer truthfully or not, the officer cleared his throat impatiently.

"Uhh," I got out, stuttering a little and sounding like I was mentally retarded. "Uhmm...Well, yeah, that's mine." I sighed, defeated. If I lied, and they found out, I'd be in worse trouble than I could possibly be in now.

"Alrighty then!" The officer said it a little _too _cheerfully. It sounded like it had a sprinkle of insane, if you ask me.

I glanced at Zim, who had been silent most of the conversation. He was looking from me to the officer, to me, to him, to me to him, to me to him...He stopped.

"Either state your business here or leave, Police-unit," Zim said.

"Oh! Right, sorry...Zoned out there a bit...I do that...Anyway, I'd just like to inform you that you are under arrest!" The happiness in his voice was disturbing.

"WHAT!" Zim and I both yelled at the same time. Zim had sat back down, but he got so riled up at the officer's words he stood up quickly. I decided to do the same and threw back my blankets, and got up.

"What're the charges?!" I exclaimed. Not like I didn't already know, but...Maybe it was something else. That sounded like something that would happen to me—get all scared crapless about the police coming to my house or something—and then it turns out they were just looking for the neighbors or something. Actually, that sounded like that could happen now. But it didn't, of course.

"Let's see...Grand theft auto, vandalizing stolen property, illegal racing, speeding, racing through twelve red lights, failure to stop at a stop sign, going the wrong way on the street, crossing three lanes at once, almost running over a POOR old lady, and of course, disturbing the public! And the pigeons! You know, there ARE cameras. Now, if you'd please open the door for me..."

Wow. If I wasn't terrified of going to jail, I'd be feeling pretty hardcore right now. All those charges... Scary to think I had done them, actually. However, I felt like an idiot when he mentioned the cameras. Of course there's cameras! And, it might have helped if Zim or Dib or anybody else would've told me about them. Too late now, I guess.

"NEVER!" Zim screeched, claws in the air fighting an invisible enemy. "I will never lower my security to your filthy presence! You'll never get in!"

The police officer walked to the front door, and stood there. He jiggled the doorknob for a second, and then it swung open.

"Hey, it was unlocked," he commented. Zim smacked his head with a gloved hand.

Resisting arrest was out of the question. If I resisted, the officer would probably use physical force. That would piss Zim off, and he'd end up doing something drastic and stupid like using his spider legs. Therefore, he would expose himself. I wasn't going to risk both of our safety like that, so I would go along with it, at least for now. Compliancy is not one of my strong characteristics, I assure you.

This would be the smartest thing for now. And while I was being questioned, (which I think would happen, from the movies and TV I've watched) Zim would bust me out.

...He WOULD bust me out, though, right?!

Definitely!

A side of me said he wouldn't, and that scared me, but I knew that was an actual possibility. Zim wasn't exactly compassionate, if you know what I mean. Look at the Hallowen episode for instance. If there wasn't any personal gain for him, he wouldn't save somebody.

Oh boy was I screwed.

The panic worsened as tight handcuffs were snapped around my wrists. I better get some freaking justice. Yeah, yeah, I know I was guilty of all the above, but still. It's not like I killed somebody, now did I?

Alright, so I knew now this was karma biting me.

The Ziploc baggy had disappeared, I noticed, as I was lead away from Zim's living room. I stared behind me as I left his house. This was unbelievable.

Would I ever see Zim again? The thought of it made my heart hurt, bad, and I tried to swallow my growing despair. The feeling of the handcuffs was not a comfortable, reassuring feeling, however. I had just woken up to this, too.

...What if I never saw his face again? I would be stuck inside a jail cell all my life. What if this was the last time for everything?

My throat closed and I tried not to cry, because that was just stupid of me. I had to be strong to get through this...And...crying...wouldn't...Oh god.

I was crying.

I was crying while they lead me away from his house. I passed the gnomes, and they stared at me blankly. We passed the fence, and I felt more alone with each damned step. Maybe I was damning myself.

Well, then again, it looked like I already had.

* * *

"What're you in for?" asked someone kind-looking behind the desk. I was curled up in a chair, in a "waiting room" I guess, in the prison, squeezing my eyes as tight as they could go. Guess she had gotten the signals I was in hell. 

"Too much to name," I replied to her, remembering the pigeons charge. She laughed, and I was surprised. She was just the person who organized all the files, and she was actually laughing because I had broken the law?

"Well, don't worry, it just depends on how much evidence they got ya for."

I stared at her incredulously. What kind of people worked for the police, anyway? They seemed like a bunch of people who should be in asylums. Or did crazy people usually just work for the law? That sort of made sense in a way, I guess.

A guy with glasses, a clipboard, and a bunch of pens stuffed in his breat pocket came out of the many doors to the room I was in.

"Avi?" he asked, which was stupid. I was the only other person in this room. He might as well say 'hey, you'. Much easier and more generic. I didn't understand why they left me in here, all alone, anyway. I could be a threat! I had been arrested, for the universe's sake, I was an accused criminal, and yet I was put in here like I was waiting for some immunization shot.

I slowly uncurled myself, taking my time. I wondered what Zim was doing...God, I hoped he was coming for me soon. I didn't care if he had to bust down the walls, I wanted out of here.

Just thinking that I had come all the way to another freaking world just to spend eternity in one of it's jails made me pretty depressed. A Zimless life seemed hard enough to imagine, too, no matter where I was. That was just pushing the limit on my mental grieving limit.

Anyway, I got up, more emotional than I've been...like...ever...and followed the clipboard dude.

He led me out of the room, and the "nice" lady behind the desk winked at me, while filing out some paperwork in front of her. She gave me the thumbs up sign at the last minute, too, and I subconsciously raised my eyebrow at her. I wonder if she saw.

The clipboard dude had led me to another room, which led to another one, and another one. I felt like they were trying to get me confused where I was or something, so that if I got lost in here I wouldn't be able to find myself out. As we passed rooms, I heard random noises like chickens clucking and people screaming. It was creepy. Everything seemed wrong ever since I had been arrested.

Arrested! HA! Very funny.

Apparently at the final door, the clipboard dude stopped, and I noticed he had a pen behind his ear. "You'll go through here, and that'll lead you to the Questioning Room."

Yup, I was right. I was just about to be questioned.

He pushed open the door for me, and I politely thanked him and went in, looking around...

Laughter and the smell of donuts hit my ears and nose, while grey hit my eyes. Everything inside this room was grey. Cheap, cracking grey tiling, a stereotypical grey table, grey chairs...Grey ceiling and walls. Speaking of the walls, there was a part of the wall that looked different than the other part of it, and I realized it was a one-way mirror.

The donut smell I had smelt had come from the two officers who were eating—you guessed it—donuts and coffee. My stomach gurgled, and I felt a surge of hate towards them already. I hadn't eaten anything all day.

The officers were staring at me, and while I was coming in, they were laughing at some joke I hadn't heard. No, I didn't think they were laughing at me, but I got the feeling it wasn't something nice to laugh at, like cheesy jokes. They looked like they would laugh at something else not so nice, more like pain or suffering or something. Not to get overly dramatic, or anything. I did feel like it was about to, though, and so I slently urged Zim to come faster, if he was coming at all.

I hadn't given up hope yet. As long as Zim was honest about loving me, I had nothiiiing to worry about. Now, the question was, was Zim capable of love?

...Honestly, that question scared the crap out of me. I decided not to face it, or think about it. Sad to think I loved him, and yet did not know exactly if he loved me, after all that I had been through. It was worse than sad. Any acknowledgement to the thought whether or not he really did love me would just lead to false hope or false (I hope) disappointment.

"Sit down, please," said one officer that I would start to call Giraffe. The length of his neck was just scary. The other one I would call Penguin, for wobbling reasons. Giraffe is the smarter one, but Penguin is the nicer one, you see.

I sat down. Penguin sipped his coffee and got up, giving me the reason for his name. The wobbling man, the wobbling. His movements amused me, and took my mind off of depressing things for a few seconds.

He pulled out the same bag with my hair tie in it, which I had assumed they would.

"So," he said, "you agree that you have said that this hair tie is yours?"

"Yes," I said, a little surprised they had just gotten right to it. No boring unnecessary introductions.

"Do you know where this was found?" I looked to the camera in the right corner of the room. I knew it was recording audio, too.

"No," I said, deciding to play dumb.

"It was found," Giraffe said, pausing dramatically, "under the front seat of the car that _you _stole."

There was another pause and silence after he said that, and I sweated silently.

"Which you then raced, wrecked, and disturbed the _pigeons_." Giraffe shook his head with disgust.

"Show me proof," I said.

"Alright, alright," Giraffe said, and pulled photos out of nowhere. "Look at these photos of these pigeons! Look at the _distress_ on their _faces_! See what your carelessness has done to our beautiful creatures?"

"At least I didn't run them over," I said.

"Close! So very close! Lucky you!"

As I shuffled through the photos, I realized just how insane both of them were.

Mentally, I rolled my eyes

_Zim...Come on...Don't just leave me here..._

Both cops reached for their coffee in unison.

Where was my savior now?


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Jail wasn't THAT bad. Hahaha, yeah, it was. First minute there I was informed by my cell mate that I shouldn't pick up my soap. Whatever that means... It sounded really cryptic to me.

I was waiting for my trial here. You'd think I wouldn't go to jail, since I was a minor, but it sort of was an adult jail, but there were minors here, too. My cell mate was a minor, for instance, but this whole facility wasn't all for us. It wasn't juvenile hall. It was the real, scary thing.

Guess the President Man had passed a law recently so all minors should be treated as adults. Yay, not.

I still waited for Zim impatiently. I couldn't understand why he hadn't busted me out yet. What was he waiting for?

I ended up crying myself to sleep at night. My cell mate slept through it because I did it as quietly as possible.

The food was horrible here...They served goop for breakfast. Goop for lunch. Goop with an extra side of goop for dinner.

I thought I was going insane.

But still, I waited. There wasn't much anything else to do.

The morning everything changed I woke up, my pillow wet. I had been crying in my sleep, I guess. Again. Sighing, I turned over to my back, and tried to remember the dream. I stared at the top of the bottom of the bunk bed. My cell mate's heavy form made it slump a little in the middle.

Zim had been in my dream, I knew that...Everything else was a little bit foggier, and I couldn't remember. That should have made me happier, because even if I couldn't see Zim physically, I could at least see him in my dreams. But it didn't really brighten my spirits at all.

I wiped my face, and got up slowly, trying not to wake my cell mate. She wasn't very nice when I did that.

I changed into my striped black and white jumpsuit, (stereotypical, I know) and washed my face in the sink. The filthy mirror showed me as someone I didn't know. I started crying again, my tears dropping in the sink and down the drain.

I accidentally let a wet, choking sound come out of me, and my eyes widened and I spun around. She hadn't woken up. Good. I would have to be more careful... I slid down to the floor, shivering. Suddenly, and officer showed up at the bars. I looked up and tried to look as if I wasn't crying. She smiled sympathetically, and I hated that. I hate sympathetic looks—the word 'sympathetic' still has 'pathetic' in it. Her name tag had Susan written on it. She was probably just in here for my cell mate, or something. I didn't pay much attention to her after I thought this, until she spoke.

"Avi," she said, and I looked at her curiously, "you have a visitor."

I stood up, shocked. Maybe it was Zim! My excitement must have showed on my face because she laughed. "You know the drill though," she said seriously. "Or you should know it. I have to handcuff you."

I eagerly ran over and she handcuffed me. "Someone's excited," she commented. I didn't say anything, because I didn't find the need to, and I followed her.

As soon as I started walking, I felt like everything would be okay. Maybe Zim was here to inform me that in the next couple of hours he'd blow this place up, or something. That seemed reasonable, actually, especially for him. This place was hell anyway. Some people in here would be happy if he blew it up. With them still inside it.

As the different cells, I started feeling sorry for some of the people in here. I know I probably shouldn't, since they're criminals, but they looked so caged...And then one wolf whistled at me and I tried unsuccessfully to flip them off wearing handcuffs. Dammit. It ended up being some weird jerk thing that made me look like I was trying to rip my arms out of their sockets.

After that I stared straight ahead with a 'you mess with me 'n you die' look. Sad that I'd had to go from pathetically crying one second then tough the next. Ah well. I was used to it.

Finally, we reached a door, and Susan went up in front of me to unlock it on her keys. Inside the door, or should I say room, it was very brightly lit, which made me blink and my eyes water from my pupils trying to go small in a short period of time. I squinted and looked around, and saw a bunch of rows of areas where I guess you could sit down and talk to visitors on one side. You've probably seen them in the movie—there's a chair and a desk thing, with a pane of unbreakable glass, and a black phone. The criminal sits on one side, the visitor the other.

Susan led me to very end of it, and my heart sped up. Was Zim behind one of these? She made me sit down and I stared across from where I sat.

It certainly was not who I expected.

"Dib?!"

You have GOT to be kidding me. I repeated this out loud and Dib looked nervous. I don't think it was because my handcuffs were being taken off, though, for some reason. No, I wasn't let off that easily because another officer appeared behind me, and so I guess if I ran off they'd jump on me. I didn't really plan to make a daring escape at the moment, because Dib being here made it seem a lot more complicated.

I realized Dib hadn't heard me, because I hadn't been talking in the phone. Maybe that was why he looked so nervous—he saw my lips moving and the look on my face—it probably looked like I was angry and cussing him out or something.

I grabbed the phone quickly. "What're you doing here?" I asked him. Not that I wasn't flattered, or anything, except he was the last person I would think would visit me. For hell's sake, I thought he hated me or something! I don't think I paid him back for that hat money...

"I mean," I got out, "you're...I mean...What the...What's a nice way of saying 'what the hell are you DOING here?'"

"Well...Actually, I don't know," Dib said. He gave me a weird look through the glass. "But anyway, since I'm pretty sure Zim hasn't visited you yet, I decided to... Okay, Zim's promised me that he won't try to brainwash the human race with this new advertisement on TV as long as I visited you and told you that...uh...He's... 'Coming soon'? He's just trying to figure out a way to..." Dib stopped, looking a little confused. "'Strip the onions of their sweet, juicy energy that will soon...'"

"Yeah?"

"He sort of just rambled after that and hit things."

"Oh."

"Mhmm...Well...See ya!" He said this abruptly and jumped off the chair.

"Wait wait!" I said, loud as I could through the phone.

He must have heard it because he reluctantly came back and picked it up.

"Yeah?"

"So he's coming?"

"Yeah."

"...With...onion power?"

"I think so..." I was silent for a second while I contemplated this.

"Well you can tell him that...I. DON'T. CARE. ABOUT. THE. STUPID. ONIONS! D'you hear me? D'YOU HEAR ME? Get him here by effing car! Or plane! AN EFFING FLYING SQUIRREL! ANYTHING! I don't give a shit! I need him here NOW! NOOOOW!" Dib had dropped the phone and had started backing up, and I collapsed in a fit of tears on the table, dropping my phone also. Once he realized I was done, he came back and picked it up again. It had fallen right next to my left ear, so I could still hear him.

"Alright," he squeaked.

"Sorry," I said, coming up and sniffling. I picked up the phone. These mood swings had been happening a lot lately. Jail does that to you, I suppose. "Thank you though. A lot. I really appreciate you coming here... But...Why couldn't Zim come here himself?"

"He was too busy with his onions..." Another flare of anger hit me but I held it back, for Dib's sake. I'd said what I wanted Zim to hear.

"Y'know...I kind of get why you two like each other," Dib looking at me as though I was insane.

"Why?" I asked him, sincerely curious.

"You both scream...A _lot_." I managed a smile.

"Oh...I think there's something I need to tell you, too," I added more quietly...

"Hm?" Dib asked, his scythe raising just a bit.

"You see..." I started, going slowly.

* * *

"Oh. My. Gosh." 

"Well, I'm not _fully _sure, you know."

"I know. But still. I can't believe you..." Dib looked scarred.

"Shh! I know."

"Is it...good that this happened?"

"I think so," I said, grinning.

"Wow," Dib said. "Wooow...That IS creepy..."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not creepy, Dib."

"Okay, I guess not. But..."

"Yeah," I finished for him.

"So why did you tell me? You don't expect me to tell _him_, do you?"

"Of course not," I replied. "I'll tell him myself. It's just, I didn't have anybody to tell...I didn't feel like blabbering off to anyone, and..."

"Oh," Dib said, looking mystified. "Wow," he said again, looking at me differently.

"I know." It was absolutely amazing.


End file.
